"I'm so busy, it's crazy right now."
"Oh man, that sounds so nice, but we have way too much going on for that."
"He/She has change since we got married."
"You have too much time on your hands."
"I have to drop Billy off, then I am off to the grocery store, then to the gym, back to pick up billy and take him to soccer and then to the dentist. Homework, dinner, bed." whew;)
These are just a few words that are like nails on a chalkboard for me right now. I know how easy it is to get overbooked...believe me. Too busy to do the things we "want to do" because we have put too much on the "need to do" list. Let's me babble for a bit on the different aspects of our life that suffer the most from getting so damn busy. Look at the chaos in this pic....just enough time to see what the other person is doing, talk surface for a bit and then back to the chaos.
We all get buzzing around so fast that we miss seeing each other....really seeing and talking to each other. Take for instance...months ago, Jake decided to shave off his facial hair. He asked me one day if I had noticed. I was taken back by the fact that he had to ask me, but then I was in total shock when I asked him how long it had been...3 DAYS! I hadn't REALLY looked at him (with fresh eyes) in 3 whole days. How long has it been since you saw your sig. other with fresh eyes...a day, week, months, years?:( Another story. I just got back from the most amazing trip to visit a friend in Sacramento (more to come on that). Traveling is the best medicine for getting us to open up our eyes to new experiences. I am on cruise control half the time and notice very little in a day that wasn't similar to the day before. Well, I did a lot of talking about "fresh eyes" (or clear eyes for Lindsey) with Mark and Lindsey as I photographed them for 2 days. I wanted to explore the idea of when we first start dating someone and all the awesomeness that we observe in each other. How do we keep those fresh eyes in a marriage years later? First we have to slow down! Then we have to be curious about the other person. We have to stop putting everything they do into a box of understanding and labeling. When was the last time that we have said something to the effect of, "oh, my husband/wife would never do/like that." How do you know this for sure? WHY do you know this for sure? I hope that I catch myself saying anything that might answer for Jake. I hope I never know him that "well". After all my incredible experiences on my trip I couldn't wait to get home to my pride and joy. Jake and the kids (and of course the dog) were all in the car picking me up. Jake got out to help with my bags and the first thing I notice....he shaved all of his facial hair again. I NOTICED:) His face lit up as I mentioned it because what I really could have been saying was, "I noticed.....I SEE you...I LOVE you!" I am processing a lot on keeping marriages fresh and also noticing how BUSY everyone is. I think they are hugely connected and it's something that has to be balanced all the time. Slow down a little...then a lot and when things get busy again, start the process all over again. When everyone is resting (getting their kids into this and that), be the one that flies away and does what is right for their WHOLE family. Pull up beside someone on the telephone line and really talk, not regurgitate schedules.Jake and I are going on a mini-vaca this weekend to Seattle. Our dear friends Heidi and Dave spoiled us with a weekend workshop at the Gottman Institute. So while the rest of our loved ones are going to soccer, then football, the movies and whatever else on the schedule...we are going to take a second to be different. We are going to focus on the glue of our family...the love that started it all and continues to be the glue! Go find something to have fresh eyes about. Go look at your kids with fresh eyes. Lots more to come on this freshness;) I can't wait to share our trip:)