My hopes

my hope is a living thing, and stronger than i knew.

Thank you Jesh De Rox for putting something up that spoke to me on Facebook. When I read this quote this morning it moved me. I get words said to me on a weekly basis that I am an inspiration. When I read it and hear it, it makes me feel amazing, humble and a bit overwhelmed. But, when I try to process the extent of those words I can't understand how I am living differently. What is it that I am doing or saying that inspires? Is it because I have MS and I'm not falling to pieces? Is it because I am an open book and I speak my mind? I am sitting here trying to make the words make sense to me. What am I suppose to be doing with my life? Am I already doing it? I want to help the world just like the next person. It is dawning on me that in what I thought was a selfish moment, by helping myself, it turns out that I am helping others. Because I put my words, my heart, and my emotions out there, someone relates and sometimes it helps them to process their own thoughts. So what do I think is inspiring about my life...I think it is my HOPE. I think that MS has given me the perspective that I have needed. It has given me the confidence that I am living beyond.

Sure I still have my fears. I have to make the conscious choice each day to continue on my own path. Amongst all the other temping paths that come across my life, I choose to stay on my own. To stay on it without harsh judgment, with a positive outlook, and yes, HOPE. I'm not afraid. Why is it so hard for me to say those words without crying? Sometimes it comes out with confidence and sometimes it comes out with a little shaky voice. I am not afraid of what is ahead of me on my path. I'm not even afraid that it looks like I am walking into the "Children of the Corn" path;)I have HOPE because I have my laughter:)

I have HOPE because, in this moment...I have my health. I have these mad hops that help me to be the MVP (self-awarded) 2-3 days a week;) I have hope that I will give my kids tools in their life to deal with whatever may come their way. I know that by changing my diet and lifestyle the fear of them having MS is so minimal in my mind. They have been by my side every step of the way and they continue to teach me that you can always change. They feed my hope when I am not there for myself.

As for photography....I know that it is one of the greatest gifts that God has given to me to be an inspiration. I am inspired daily by some many people and moments around me and the craving to capture it through a lens never is quite quenched. Suddenly in the last year Heaven's Eye Photography has taken on a whole new meaning to me. From day one I have always know what types of shoots feed my soul, but it has been such a learning process. In that process there have been a lot of paths that I have tried to jump on. I know what I crave now. I know where I am strongest and that is in telling a story. It is meeting people that I feel are living life beyond. There is something in them that inspires me. Heaven's Eye has shown me exactly what I am suppose to see through my lens....HOPE, happiness, reality, love, and all the little moments inbetween that we are too busy to appreciate....touch, admiring looks, emotions that can only come out when we are open enough to explore them. I want to be that safe place.

Thank you to Lindsay Viersen, Cindy Cieluch, Whitebox, and Shannon for the pictures. I never would have thought in my 20's that I would be able to look at pictures of myself imn y 30;s and feel so proud, in love and withoutt reservations. Thank you for being such amazing friends, inspiration and an endless pool of love! Oh, and Jalena took the one of my jumping. Thanks Lou...you light up my life!

I am

"Is it not by love alone that we succeed in penetrating to the very essence of a being?"
I haven't talked much lately about my Ms. Carlisle life and I have been doing a lot of processing, so here you go. I get a lot of "how are you feeling?" When I answer, "Great!" There is always a quick look up and down, and then a "well, you look great!" I wish it were all based on how I looked;) Yes, I have lost a lot of weight, but then again, I am eating a very low fat diet. It is a cross between the Swank diet and The Ms Recovery Diet (based on McDougal's studies). I eat any kind of fish, chicken breast, turkey breast. Lots of fruits, veggies, and nuts. I introduce things as often as I can, but for the most part, it is very much the same foods everyday. Jake has been my saving grace and somehow he comes through with dinner when I feel like I can't bare the thought of food (making it at least). It will be one year since my diagnoses in October and sometimes I feel like it was just yesterday. I haven't made the necessary strides that I want to take towards diet and making it a number 1 priority. I haven't been symptom-free yet:( But everything is completely bearable and I haven't had any episodes like the first. Most of my frustration comes from the food side of things. Another side of the frustration comes into play when I am fatigued, have a headache, tingling to much and I am able to put into the MS box that never seems to make sense. Hence the sad face below. I was taking snapshots of myself today trying to see my face when I thought of certain things. Apparently when I think about the above thoughts this is what I look like. I see a little sadness but more determination and focus.The upside...I have come SO FAR!!! I don't sell myself short of all the accomplishments I have worked hard for this year. How could one year be so full of so much change? I love my life and I am still 100% thankful that I had a diagnoses, and more importantly, a WAKE up CALL! The perspective is stronger than ever, and when I think of all the changes we have made as a family, this is the face that appears:) And this is the sheer joy that apparently shows on my face when I am doing what I love. Thanks for the shot Amy...it warms my heart right to the core!I have much more to write about that I have been processing but this is all that I want to focus on today.

Yes, I work...sometimes.

While in Alaska I was able to take senior portraits of an amazing girl. This is one of my childhood friend's nieces. She wanted to be a little different then all the location settings most of her school gets and so we took her to a magical place that we all grew up. We went to the lake of course. It was one of my favorite shoots in a long time because of all the inspiration and possibilities. Not to mention, some of the most perfect light on an overcast/smokey day! Here is my take on what a senior shoot looks like to me. Yes, I know they want to look sexy/super modelish. Yes, I know they want to stand out from all the other senior shots...but, here's the thing. Jamie will stand out from the rest because she is her. There is no one else out there like her. No one else has her laugh. No one else loves this location like her. No one else will pull the same memories out of this shoot as her. After 2 hours, I think I was able to capture her many looks, a lot of personality, so much laughter, and some of that supa-model seriousness:) What can we learn about Jamie? She loves volleyball for starters.

She has a smile that could light up the darkest of months in AK:)
Oh, and she is GORGEOUS!
Still gorgeoso...
She likes to sit on inner tubes...actually I don't know that, but I do know that she looks smokin' on them.

She was such a sport.
She brings so much beauty to a state that is SO full of majestic beauty.
She looks amazing in from of an old outhouse!
She can rock a hammock.

She is the perfect accent for her Grandpa's incredible car!!!She has a calm, confidence about her that is going to get her through any challenges that might come her way. Oh, and she LOVES her Mom and Dad. They laugh so much together and you could just feel how proud they are of her.
This "joke" of a picture (of her NOT wanted to put pets in the picture like her Mom suggested) turned out pretty great. And one day it will mean the world to you when you are missing him.Thank you Jaime, for trusting me and for bringing such a ray of sunshine into my life. I had a blast hanging out with you in one of my very own, favorite places in this world:)
Thank you also to the Sherpa Niece of mine that I couldn't have done the shoot without! Kayla you are a star...and you got some pretty great shots for your first shoot. I have a feeling I am going to be sharing a passion with you one day soon;)

So Beautiful

50 Years...they are different then us. They're journey is so unique to them. And yet I see us in them. I see the respect, the ultimate admiration, and the over-whelming love in their eyes that has grown over 50 years. That is HOPE. Because I know that we are them. We will be looking into each other's eyes in another 39 years thinking to ourselves, "where did the time go?" I will have the same New Bride glow about me, and you will be handsome as ever. I can't wait to have someone snag a picture of you gazing at me as if I were the same blushing bride that you remember 50 years ago.
I can't wait to renew our vows and not be able to get many words out amongst the tears because the moment is too overwhelming with love. I can't wait until 50+ years of this same love takes my breathe away with you by my side, holding my wrinkled hand.
I can't wait to kiss you with my eyes closed and in that moment, have no clue that 50 years has passed because the love is so familiar and timeless.
So beautiful you are...
please don't move
you feel so good to me..
so very beautiful.

What could inspire such words on this fine day, you ask? What does 11 years of passion, respect, trust, friendship, love, lust and laughter equal...Marriage. 11 years ago at this time I believe I was about to walk down that isle with butterflies filling my stomach and chest waiting to see Jake's face as he sees his beautiful, blushing bride for the first time. I never could have anticipated where our young love would take us.
"What is passion? It is surely the becoming of a person." I cannot thank you enough Jake, for helping me shape into a person I can be proud of, in a love that is so unique...it could only come straight from God.
You...
You are so patient
so deep
so funny,
so open. (I am at a loss of all the words I could use to describe so many amazing qualities)
Me..
I am so thankful,
so hopelessly in love,
so excited and thirsty for more.
Together, I am pretty sure that we are unstoppable. You are on my mind all the time. You are the best thing to ever happen to me:)
If there were ever the most perfect reflection of our love that I could use to describe our love, it would have to be these three! Can you even believe the life we have created for ourselves. Happy Anniversary my love. Thank you God for the perfect man for me. Thank you Jake for all that you are. I love you more than these silly words could ever express...