Careful what you wish for.

Let's say that you haven't seen me since the diagnoses....upon seeing me the scenario will probably go something like this. "Eeee, hiiiii (squealing in between)." I say hey, how are you? (in the midst of a huge embrace) Then you might push me away from you as to get a better look at my whole body. Then the inevitable comes..."how are you feeling?" And before I can answer you, you take the space where I am suppose to answer with, "well, you look great?" I put a question mark there because it always seems like those words come out with such surprise and confusion. Then there is a look that some have given me. I don't know how to quite put the exact words to it, but every woman has experienced it. When you know you look good and a woman gives you a compliment that you look great, but her eyes are more like daggers of jealousy that ask "how" or "why" do you look so damn good. Let me explain where I am going with this...wait, I can't because I don't really know what I am trying to say. Let me give you a couple extremes that have come my way to put me in a confusing state. When a couple different women (friends) have said, "maybe I should get MS so I can look that good." Or, "I don't want what you have, but you have a rockin body". These are compliments right? At every point in my life I have always been very confident and happy with what my body looked like (minus, right after baby insanity moments;) As a woman, I know that we tend to take our eyes off our own plate A LOT, but have we become so out of touch with reality that we would wish a sickness, (like when someone gets the flu and gets all skinny), or a disease on ourselves with careless words. I don't feel mad when people say these things because I know where they are coming from. I am glad that I am confusing their vision of what MS is suppose to do, or might do to me. But we really need to take more care with our thoughts of ourselves and words with others. When was the last time that you paid a compliment to yourself? When was the last time you liked looking at a picture of yourself? If you can't remember the last time, then you may want to pay attention to what kind of self talk you're giving yourself to be that unhappy with your healthy body. Maybe you have been living so long in who you WANT to be instead of appreciating who you ARE! I wished many times that I would care more about food and get healthier one day. My wish totally came true and this is the path that needed to take me there. I truly am thankful for this wish....but many of you might want to be careful what you are wishing for. Take control of your thoughts and be who you want to be!

I remember taking these pictures for Jake for Valentine's Day 6 months after Jamie was born. Shannon was just starting out in photography and we went to go take shots of each other. In that whole process I remember realizing how much the pictures were for me and not Jake by the end.The experience was uplifting and exciting. I was proud of the body that I had and even embraced the huge nursing bra showing through because I knew that one day those big girls might disappear. Let's be realistic here...I am still a girl and I haven't been 100% content my whole life about each body (I do have an ego and I did want a boob job), but I think what I was able to grasp that many others don't was that no matter how much I love or dislike my shape, I know it will always be changing. If I can't embrace it for it is in any given moment, then I am not embracing me. I loved my body a year ago when it was 20 some pounds heavier and didn't want to lose the weight. I will take your 20 extra pounds and you can gladly take the MS. I just hope it has the same wake-up call that it gave me. If it doesn't then you're just going to be skinny, but still unhappy.

So go get some pictures taken of yourself! Love your body for keeping you alive and healthy, because it might not be that way tomorrow! I have taken some recent pics to celebrate, yet another phase of life and I can honestly say that I love my body and I'm not afraid to say it, because that isn't for anyone else to discredit. I love my body for waking me up. I love it for allowing me to play volleyball, take care of my kids, wrestle Jake, tie my shoes, walk straight and I even love the tingling all over...because it's me. So yes...I look good....because I feel good. And for the days that I might not feel good, at least I don't have the extra negative thought swirling around about not being content in my own skin. Thanks for the ranting!

Feeling

I'm writing today without a picture in mind or a topic for that matter. I was just sitting here overcome with the need to write. It might be all over the place and it might end up put together;) I am struggling today with the BIGGEST, Babysteps of my life. Everything in me handled the MS diagnoses with becoming a do'er...well, maybe not all of me. The other half is overwhelmed and wants to pretend I don't know how to 'do'. As I sit here and think of all the things I need, want and have to do...part of me goes into 'do' mode. The other part of me is quite comfortable in my little box that was comfortably built by my very own fears. So, let me get this right, the diagnoses woke me up. It gave me direction, perspective and the desire to change. Well, it also brought the overwhelming alarm inside me that tells me to do nothing...to just be. Oh I get it, it's another balancing act! So now I am standing on one leg, on a rolling ball, 20 plates piled high in one hand and the other hand is trying to rub my belly. I am pretty sure that I was suppose to take my life off of overdrive before I got so revved up:) I wish I were more of a dancer. Then my story would go like the Josh Groban song....

"So She Dances"

A waltz when she walks in the room
She pulls back the hair from her face
She turns to the window to sway in the moonlight
Even her shadow has grace
A waltz for the girl out of reach
She lifts her hands up to the sky
She moves with the music
The song is her lover
The melody's making her cry
So she dances
In and out of the crowd like a glance
This romance is
From afar calling me silently

A waltz for the chance I should take
But how will I know where to start?
She's spinning between constellations and dreams
Her rhythm is my beating heart...

I think I am finding my dance. I just want it to be a bit more graceful....not so many bumps and bruises;) What's my point today? I don't have one. It just feels better to be sharing. I went with Jalena to get her hair cut today. She wanted it short and off her face. I think I will follow her dance today. Going to push my hair back and see what I see. Pics of her new do to come:)

My hopes

my hope is a living thing, and stronger than i knew.

Thank you Jesh De Rox for putting something up that spoke to me on Facebook. When I read this quote this morning it moved me. I get words said to me on a weekly basis that I am an inspiration. When I read it and hear it, it makes me feel amazing, humble and a bit overwhelmed. But, when I try to process the extent of those words I can't understand how I am living differently. What is it that I am doing or saying that inspires? Is it because I have MS and I'm not falling to pieces? Is it because I am an open book and I speak my mind? I am sitting here trying to make the words make sense to me. What am I suppose to be doing with my life? Am I already doing it? I want to help the world just like the next person. It is dawning on me that in what I thought was a selfish moment, by helping myself, it turns out that I am helping others. Because I put my words, my heart, and my emotions out there, someone relates and sometimes it helps them to process their own thoughts. So what do I think is inspiring about my life...I think it is my HOPE. I think that MS has given me the perspective that I have needed. It has given me the confidence that I am living beyond.

Sure I still have my fears. I have to make the conscious choice each day to continue on my own path. Amongst all the other temping paths that come across my life, I choose to stay on my own. To stay on it without harsh judgment, with a positive outlook, and yes, HOPE. I'm not afraid. Why is it so hard for me to say those words without crying? Sometimes it comes out with confidence and sometimes it comes out with a little shaky voice. I am not afraid of what is ahead of me on my path. I'm not even afraid that it looks like I am walking into the "Children of the Corn" path;)I have HOPE because I have my laughter:)

I have HOPE because, in this moment...I have my health. I have these mad hops that help me to be the MVP (self-awarded) 2-3 days a week;) I have hope that I will give my kids tools in their life to deal with whatever may come their way. I know that by changing my diet and lifestyle the fear of them having MS is so minimal in my mind. They have been by my side every step of the way and they continue to teach me that you can always change. They feed my hope when I am not there for myself.

As for photography....I know that it is one of the greatest gifts that God has given to me to be an inspiration. I am inspired daily by some many people and moments around me and the craving to capture it through a lens never is quite quenched. Suddenly in the last year Heaven's Eye Photography has taken on a whole new meaning to me. From day one I have always know what types of shoots feed my soul, but it has been such a learning process. In that process there have been a lot of paths that I have tried to jump on. I know what I crave now. I know where I am strongest and that is in telling a story. It is meeting people that I feel are living life beyond. There is something in them that inspires me. Heaven's Eye has shown me exactly what I am suppose to see through my lens....HOPE, happiness, reality, love, and all the little moments inbetween that we are too busy to appreciate....touch, admiring looks, emotions that can only come out when we are open enough to explore them. I want to be that safe place.

Thank you to Lindsay Viersen, Cindy Cieluch, Whitebox, and Shannon for the pictures. I never would have thought in my 20's that I would be able to look at pictures of myself imn y 30;s and feel so proud, in love and withoutt reservations. Thank you for being such amazing friends, inspiration and an endless pool of love! Oh, and Jalena took the one of my jumping. Thanks Lou...you light up my life!

I am

"Is it not by love alone that we succeed in penetrating to the very essence of a being?"
I haven't talked much lately about my Ms. Carlisle life and I have been doing a lot of processing, so here you go. I get a lot of "how are you feeling?" When I answer, "Great!" There is always a quick look up and down, and then a "well, you look great!" I wish it were all based on how I looked;) Yes, I have lost a lot of weight, but then again, I am eating a very low fat diet. It is a cross between the Swank diet and The Ms Recovery Diet (based on McDougal's studies). I eat any kind of fish, chicken breast, turkey breast. Lots of fruits, veggies, and nuts. I introduce things as often as I can, but for the most part, it is very much the same foods everyday. Jake has been my saving grace and somehow he comes through with dinner when I feel like I can't bare the thought of food (making it at least). It will be one year since my diagnoses in October and sometimes I feel like it was just yesterday. I haven't made the necessary strides that I want to take towards diet and making it a number 1 priority. I haven't been symptom-free yet:( But everything is completely bearable and I haven't had any episodes like the first. Most of my frustration comes from the food side of things. Another side of the frustration comes into play when I am fatigued, have a headache, tingling to much and I am able to put into the MS box that never seems to make sense. Hence the sad face below. I was taking snapshots of myself today trying to see my face when I thought of certain things. Apparently when I think about the above thoughts this is what I look like. I see a little sadness but more determination and focus.The upside...I have come SO FAR!!! I don't sell myself short of all the accomplishments I have worked hard for this year. How could one year be so full of so much change? I love my life and I am still 100% thankful that I had a diagnoses, and more importantly, a WAKE up CALL! The perspective is stronger than ever, and when I think of all the changes we have made as a family, this is the face that appears:) And this is the sheer joy that apparently shows on my face when I am doing what I love. Thanks for the shot Amy...it warms my heart right to the core!I have much more to write about that I have been processing but this is all that I want to focus on today.

Stolen Moments

This is why I want to teach parents how to take better pictures. (Patients...my shit still isn't together:) The way I see it, you can hire me or any other photographer for an few hours, even a day, but there are just some moments that are saved for the most intimate moments. These memories are packed with the strongest emotions, and the most detailed senses. They are the moments that stop a mom or dad in their tracks and make the head tilt, the nose burn, and then the happy tears start to flow. They are the moments that we cry about because we have all been too busy to see and life is so much in fast forward we wish that we could pause it for these moments. Why wouldn't I want every one of my friends to be able to capture these moments I speak of:) Get out your cameras and just keep clicking. It doesn't have to be perfect. It's just a tool to capture what you feel in your heart at that moment. Something years from now that you can look at that sparks a beautiful story that will be told to your grandchildren. This is one of those moments below. I was on my way to DC and went in to kiss them good-bye. They were having a slumber party and this is the dog pile that I stumbled upon at 5 in the morning.

Jalena reading Jamie a book. Jamie loves to play with her hair. So sweet!

This is the concentration of a perfectionist. He went on his sister's fieldtrip and you couldn't tell that he was the only preschool kid because he was such a good listener:) Too bad this memory was tied to the fish hatchery. Remember the stong senses...well this one reaks like fish. lol
This one is going to bring back the emotions of sheer bliss and excitement of going to the zoo together. This is one of their favorite places and they always have the tightest bond when they are there together. "Come on Jamie, let's go to the sea lions!" and Little Miss Independent is leading the way.
This is them trying not to smile. Jamie apparently wanted the picture to be serious and he said "wait, I need to get into character"....can you believe that clown. The kids still think he is the funniest kid on their planet.
Today...and everyday for that matter..I am thankful for the camera. I didn't know what I was doing when I first started and here's a little secret (most days I and many of my "professional" photographer friends, feel like fish out of water with our shoots still). My goal was never to master the technical side of photography and thank goodness, because I would be a complete failure;) Here's to the most amazing tool in the world and for being able to capture my life around me. The things that make me think, the moments that make me happy, the people that make me think and all the beauty that I get too out of the NOW to see.

Communtiy

Girls...ask yourselves...when do you laugh the hardest in life? I dare to say that the hardest I have ever laughed in my life has always been with girlfriends. Oh, and there was that one Mojito night at the lake a couple summers ago with my family, but that doesn't count because there was alcohol. If laughter is the best medicine, then God has blessed me with the best laughing months that a girl can handle to make sure that I am fit as a fiddle. I really want to know what is so dang contagious about laughing with your girlfriends that makes it so unique? I can be completely silly with Jake and we laugh everyday with each other, but it is just different. I am really beginning to believe that this laughter is in my life for a bigger reason and I am starting to really see how important my community of women really is. It all started with the amazing weekend filled with love and laughter in Lincoln city. The weekend was filled with passion and laughter...what could be more powerful than that?
Then you all remember when Lindsay came into my life and lit my soul on fie with all the laughter that we shared.
Then I was BEYOND blessed when my childhood friends came to visit for less then 12 hours. There is something so healing and comfortable about girlfriends that know your past and everything that encompasses who you were. Then we got to meet all over again and share our grown up lives. I love them dearly and I will be feeding off of our short time together for years to come. Cass and Irley you were the best thing since sliced cheese! Can you tell who always acts a fool...but only because they think I am funny:)That's the laugh I'm talking about...look at the gut-wrenching laugh. I think I did the equivalent of about 1 million sit-ups while they were here. Then there was the most recent. Cindy...oh Cindy...you make me feel all warm in my chest when I think about our time together. You have a joy in your heart like none other. I have never met anyone so genuine and beautiful as you. When I get around you I feel like we can conquer the world, or at least save the Tamils;)
And because of Cindy, I was able to go for a LONG overdue visit to the friend that rocked my world in every sense of the word, from the first day that I met her almost 10 years ago! She is my soul sister and my kindred spirit. When I describe her to anyone, I glow. She is statuesque, bold, powerful, confident and so full of life. This trip was much needed on both parts and I cried when I had to say good-bye to both. I have pictures of Terri's beautiful family that I will share and more from DC. I just felt it in my heart to talk about these amazing women in my life and there are so many more that I am blessed with. Thank you to all my incredible community of women. Here's to more healing laughs and being there for one another. I love you all and hope that I bring as much joy into your lives as you do mine! Terri, is it wierd that I want to blow this up HUGE on my wall:) Can't you all just feel the joy in this shot? I miss you my friend!

Courage

"You have to have faith that there is a reason you go through certain things. I can't say I am glad to go through pain, but in a way one must, in order to gain courage and really feel joy." (Carol Burnett)
I have found so much joy in my life in the past few months, that it feels like I am glowing from the inside. So open up your eyes so you can look in mine and see your reflection! If you are finding it hard to find joy right now in your life, maybe the light in my life can shine on you. I have been blessed with so much light in my life from so many amazing friends and family. I hope that my joy helps someone out there to find the courage that they have needed to get through life. I am here in this moment, I feel my body, I hear so many new sounds, and I see so much beauty. Today is a great day because I am....

Emotional Injuries

How long have we been telling ourselves that we have pains, injuries or illnesses? When we "feel" something going on in our bodies we try to define it as fast as possible. Because if we can define it (put it in a box), then we can name it and then fix it. It may call for a drug, physical therapy, chiropractic care or all of the above:) I do it daily with my kids. I am already teaching them the language that is so mainstream. "What hurts? Is it your tummy? Do you have to poop, throw up, hungry? No, and it still hurts...well, here is some medicine. Your joints hurt...probably growing pains." Well, what if my friend Herman is right about where most injuries really stem from....our emotions? I have had the worst neck pain for about 2 months. I have had it before, in college and after the kids were born. I have always chalked it up to a pinched nerve, or bad posture, or stress. Why was I so quick to label it with relation to stress and then do nothing about it other then quick fixes here and there? Today I did some EFT work with the Herman8er:) As I lay on the couch and watched the AMAZING clouds go by, I was in shock at how much I don't slow down enough to just BE. I claim that I'm slowing down. I say out loud that I am not stressed. I feel like I don't hold tension inside...and yet, when I take a moment to feel the energy in my body and ask it what it needs...it is screaming at me to slow down, release the tension and fears of everyday! I saw clouds develop into hearts right before my eyes and wished I had my camera in my hands. Then a took a moment longer to just stare...I felt love inside. I am loving myself enough to stop and take care of myself. My health isn't in someone else's hands. Herman has helped me develop a new language to speak to myself and I am beginning to heal. That just feels great to say. This isn't about the MS either. This is healing from all the damage that I have caused over the years by not listening to myself. Getting too busy to connect with myself. Connection. When is the last time that you had a DEEP connection with another human being (not in the cyber world), and I don't mean sex either:) I mean staring into someone's eyes and just being with them for a moment. I can't wait to tell you all about our shoot with another amazing man in our life...Jesh! It was earth shaking, soul healing, and one of the most beautiful days for Jake and I in our marriage. Thank you to all my spiritual healers! The tools that you share with me are so crucial and so appreciated!

I was completely drawn into Herman because of his smile. It is bigger then life and his energy is so amazing. I know you can feel it in this pic:) He is for sure one of the people that have come into my life that I believe in more ways then one, is "Living Life Beyond" He and Jake will be the first to kick off one of my new quests in life. To document amazing souls that I feel in some way or another are living beyond the ordinary life that we get sucked into. More to come later;)

Anyone that knows Herman knows that this is him most of the day. He is always there for his friends and he is always checking in. This was him getting a call at the end of our shoot. You can just see the bliss that he feels as he speaks with whomever is on the other line. I can ALWAYS hear him smile when he talks with me.

My Secret

I don't remember who was having the competition or what the prize was, but on that given day that I read about it, I felt compelled to write this. It was a competition on what our secrets are that set us apart from other photographers. There are very few secrets in photography anymore, but I feel like I might have one that not everyone has figured out;) Thank you Lindsay for the beautiful picture:)
"My "little secret" is definitely out of the ordinary...and I know it will be hard to understand and maybe even shocking. You see, I have an internal alarm in me, a switch that was flipped, that tells me when I am too stressed, not getting enough sleep or not eating right. The last time that this alarm was in me was when I was pregnant (3 times). I knew that I had to take better care of myself and live with intention when I was carrying that baby inside me, but then it would take the back seat when the baby was here. The alarm is on forever now.
How is this a secret tool for my photography you ask? What is my secret? Well, my photography career has been filled with new actions, new equipment, new styles, new scenes, new props and new ideas. None of which made me feel like I had reached my potential or made me stand out and get noticed. We all want to be noticed as artists. It wasn’t until I started noticing and paying attention to myself that I found fulfillment in my career and passion.
I blog because I want to blog and journal my life, not because everyone else is doing it or it’s good for my business. I take pictures because I want to be inspired and I make the time to get inspired. I love to take pictures of people because all I really want is to know them, to have a connection. I am a photographer because it ignites my soul and I want to make a difference and all of this is possible because of my “little secret”…. a diagnoses of MS in October. I have shed MANY layers of my ego. I am an open book, and I have no secrets and I know my passion is contagious. I have perspective. Maybe the secret that we are looking for to take us to the next level has been inside us the whole time?" Go find something to feed your soul today:)

Choose Civility

I saw this woman on the news the other night and I didn't watch her performance until this morning when a friend sent me the link. I know I wanted everyone to laugh yesterday and be filled with joy. But today I would love for everyone to cry with me and be filled with joy. Go watch this youtube and cry your eyes out with the biggest smile on your face. Go see how absolutely stupid we all look when we are so quick to judge, and are forced to swallow our judgmental, pride. Go see someone today without putting them in a box after labeling them and then forgetting about them. Choose civility today...we can't possibly know someone's story just by the cover!

JOY

Let this be contagious today. Let this light a fire. Let this be...This is joy. This is a reflection of what is in my heart daily. Sometimes it gets clouded by elements and emotions swirling in my being, but this is always inside us. It's happiness, it's love, it's content. It's a smile. It can change a moment in an instant. It can bring us out of our darkest hours. It can mend a broken heart. It can change someone's moment or maybe their life. Go out and find that something that brings that smile back into your life. It might just be the most important tool to get you through life successfully. Go smile at someone today. Go find something to make you smile. Go smile at nothing. I am smiling in this picture because I feel joy in my heart. I laugh in the picture below because sharing my joy. I laughed with a friend until my cheeks hurt and in my happiest moments I never ask "why", I mean, how many times do we really question why we are happy, and but in our saddest moments, we are so quick to define it? Laugh with me today...just because:)

How am I doing?

I would be a lot better if my photos weren't so muted on Blogspot:) I think it's time to call on some talented friends to help me step up this blog. "How am I doing" and "what am I doing lately" seems to be the burning question these days. How can I sum up the most dramatic 4 months of my life? Well, I still feel like MS has been the biggest blessing to ever walk through my door. I can run, jump, give myself MVP at volleyball games:), and still feel like the same ol' me (still jumping for joy). Thanks for the pic below Kenz!
What's not the same? My food looks a lot more colorful. My hands and feet tingle when I am not rested, stressed, or not eating right. I get fatigue and this is a first in my life (yes, even after having 3 kids). I think the toughest battle daily is the "mental". It is a nonstop challenge to keep my thoughts in check, not to worry. I just read the most amazing book for MS (in my opinion). The MS Recovery Diet and it has reconfirmed many of the things that I have been feeling and wondering and it has also calmed A LOT of my fears down. I continue to take baby steps with my diet and I would have to say that it is the only thing that seems to be getting me down at all. I hope to incorporate Yoga with my 3 times a week of volleyball. I plan to start meditating regularly...oh, and I will be selling Mona Vie I think. It has been, and will always be a part of my recovery and I know it will make a difference in a lot of your lives. I just want to sell enough to get mine for free because I spend A LOT on my other prescriptions (supplements and yoga:) Isn't the Clam Linguine beautiful below (Thanks Tracie)!

Just as soon as this little monster (Keeta) calms down on the biting I think I will be even more on keel:) So to answer your questions....yes, I am fine...in fact, I am more than fine. And for the first time I am getting to know my mind, body and soul to the core and I am truly able to answer that question beneath the surface. How are you all doing? The surface answer is "great, or tired, or fine..." but have you really asked yourself that question lately? Thank you all for your kind words, your support and most of all your prayers and love. You all rock my soul more than you will ever know. Ms. Carlisle

Reflection

Here is a look into my ego and my heart...


Many times you have read on here about my photog. playdates. Well, this is one that I did with my friend, Amy Hall the other week. We went to check out a warehouse that her friend owns and she wanted to get some tips on photography. As I handed her my camera to take shots of me while I explained photo tips to her, I was reminded of a day that a woman did the same for me. I could hear the excitement in her voice and the fire in her eyes as she held my camera and it was hard to tell if it was her or a reflection of me. The woman that sparked that desire in me was Joyce. She handed me her camera and studio, gave me a couple quick instructions on how not to ruin the camera (one of the first digital) and threw me into the trenches. I was hooked ever since and I learned as fast as I could and networked as much as I could. I put a lot of ridiculous hours into every aspect of every choice I made in photography and it was a very personal journey. I realize that my passion is contagious and that is why I am going back to my roots of why I originally got into photography in the first place. When I watch people become "professional" photographers around me, there is a flare up of the ego. I feel like one of the good ol' boys I have talked about in the past. I feel my competitive edge coming on and I don't like the emotions attached to the thoughts going on in only my head. After a long, hard look at myself these last few months and especially after this shoot, I was forced once again to shed another layer of my ego and go to the root of the emotions. I am so excited for all those around me that find joy in pictures. I want every mother to be comfortable with their cameras so that they can take a properly exposed picture of those moments they never want to forget. It's never been about clients to me or the number at the end of the year (all the things that rate you as successful or not in the photog world). I have always been about the journey and spreading as much knowledge to any that ask. I don't want to let the competitave edge on the business side to take me over again. So this leads me to the much anticipated announcement of a class for anyone that just wants to hear about my journey, or pick my brain, or start a business for that matter. I will release details soon and I hope to make it more of a class series, rather then a workshop. I hope to continue inspiring others to take photos and teach them, as I always say "to take the emotion out of it, and get paid":) I look forward to many more playdates with all of my friends so that we can continue to inspire, and push each other to be the best we can be and to help each other on our very separate paths. Thank you Amy for making me feel beautiful since the day I met you. You have the gift to make others feel special and now you are going to rock their worlds by creating a picture to go with the emotions you instill.Man, did you ever help me feel sexy that day (even though it was 20 degrees in there)...just what the doc ordered:) To Amanda and Aaron....for coming onto my path in the most unintrusive, delicate way. You hang out with me any given day and flow with the family as if you have been in it forever. You continue to inspire me with your lives more than I could ever teach you.Thank you Cindy for the shirt that makes me smile everytime I look at it. You bring a smile to my heart that is engraved forever. And to the girl that continues to inspire me daily. I have been so blessed to be able to observe your path and jump on it every once in a while. I am so thankful for you in my life and all that you bring to it. Thanks Shamone.To all of my friends that I haven't mentioned because I didn't have pictures handy...you know who you are and I love you. Go out and inspire someone!