Feeling

I'm writing today without a picture in mind or a topic for that matter. I was just sitting here overcome with the need to write. It might be all over the place and it might end up put together;) I am struggling today with the BIGGEST, Babysteps of my life. Everything in me handled the MS diagnoses with becoming a do'er...well, maybe not all of me. The other half is overwhelmed and wants to pretend I don't know how to 'do'. As I sit here and think of all the things I need, want and have to do...part of me goes into 'do' mode. The other part of me is quite comfortable in my little box that was comfortably built by my very own fears. So, let me get this right, the diagnoses woke me up. It gave me direction, perspective and the desire to change. Well, it also brought the overwhelming alarm inside me that tells me to do nothing...to just be. Oh I get it, it's another balancing act! So now I am standing on one leg, on a rolling ball, 20 plates piled high in one hand and the other hand is trying to rub my belly. I am pretty sure that I was suppose to take my life off of overdrive before I got so revved up:) I wish I were more of a dancer. Then my story would go like the Josh Groban song....

"So She Dances"

A waltz when she walks in the room
She pulls back the hair from her face
She turns to the window to sway in the moonlight
Even her shadow has grace
A waltz for the girl out of reach
She lifts her hands up to the sky
She moves with the music
The song is her lover
The melody's making her cry
So she dances
In and out of the crowd like a glance
This romance is
From afar calling me silently

A waltz for the chance I should take
But how will I know where to start?
She's spinning between constellations and dreams
Her rhythm is my beating heart...

I think I am finding my dance. I just want it to be a bit more graceful....not so many bumps and bruises;) What's my point today? I don't have one. It just feels better to be sharing. I went with Jalena to get her hair cut today. She wanted it short and off her face. I think I will follow her dance today. Going to push my hair back and see what I see. Pics of her new do to come:)