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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I am

"Is it not by love alone that we succeed in penetrating to the very essence of a being?"
I haven't talked much lately about my Ms. Carlisle life and I have been doing a lot of processing, so here you go. I get a lot of "how are you feeling?" When I answer, "Great!" There is always a quick look up and down, and then a "well, you look great!" I wish it were all based on how I looked;) Yes, I have lost a lot of weight, but then again, I am eating a very low fat diet. It is a cross between the Swank diet and The Ms Recovery Diet (based on McDougal's studies). I eat any kind of fish, chicken breast, turkey breast. Lots of fruits, veggies, and nuts. I introduce things as often as I can, but for the most part, it is very much the same foods everyday. Jake has been my saving grace and somehow he comes through with dinner when I feel like I can't bare the thought of food (making it at least). It will be one year since my diagnoses in October and sometimes I feel like it was just yesterday. I haven't made the necessary strides that I want to take towards diet and making it a number 1 priority. I haven't been symptom-free yet:( But everything is completely bearable and I haven't had any episodes like the first. Most of my frustration comes from the food side of things. Another side of the frustration comes into play when I am fatigued, have a headache, tingling to much and I am able to put into the MS box that never seems to make sense. Hence the sad face below. I was taking snapshots of myself today trying to see my face when I thought of certain things. Apparently when I think about the above thoughts this is what I look like. I see a little sadness but more determination and focus.The upside...I have come SO FAR!!! I don't sell myself short of all the accomplishments I have worked hard for this year. How could one year be so full of so much change? I love my life and I am still 100% thankful that I had a diagnoses, and more importantly, a WAKE up CALL! The perspective is stronger than ever, and when I think of all the changes we have made as a family, this is the face that appears:) And this is the sheer joy that apparently shows on my face when I am doing what I love. Thanks for the shot warms my heart right to the core!I have much more to write about that I have been processing but this is all that I want to focus on today.


Britt. said...

You are so beautiful and inspirational and hopeful and wonderful and positive and graceful and genuine and lovely and hilarious and infectious and have the greatest aura ever! - truly - ever... i appreciate how you see life - how you focus on the good in the bad - which turns the bad into good. i appreciate the fighter in you. the dreamer. the believer. i appreciate it very, very much.

Aaron Galeotti Photography said...

YOU are a wake up call!! :) so amazing to see your journey threw this this past year.. I wonder how many peoples lives have already been changed from the results of your diagnoses! and how many boxes have been burned ;) i think the reason you look great is a result of the joy and fire inside your soul! thank you for being true thank you for being you.

A :)

cooluncool said...

I came across your blog via a semi-random stream of links a month or so ago. I'm so glad I did! Your blogs are a vivid reflection of an unfaltering joy and a vigor for whatever life presents... your tenacity is totally contagious! Not to mention, I've always admired folks who've mastered the art of photography :)

Shannon Sewell said...

i had an epiphany when i just read this. hmm... something to talk about. at the beach. next week... it's a date ;)


Amy said...

Tears of Joy....I am proud to say I am a friend of yours thats for dang sure. Thank God for you!

Willow said...

dude-whatever face you are making it is just pure hottie, i love your face :)