Keeta

We can't even stand it....she is here and she is to die for! She just put her first coil on the carpet this morning and she woke me up at 7AM....you all know that I am not a morning person! She did manage to make me smile at that God awful hour...she must be something special. We picked her up from Kennewick from an awesome couple that started Desert Blue Danes. It was more than worth it to go with a passionate breeder that knows her stuff and goes the extra mile to educate us on keeping her the most healthy we possibly can. Here's the ironic (not so ironic) part about getting her. Jen has a "minimal immunizations" and we must keep up the raw diet. A first this was a bit overwhelming to think about...will she be safe from disease, will my family be at risk being around raw meats everyday? Well, everytime it is explained to me, it is as if they are talking about my new life and my diet....the health benefits, and the work involved in educating myself. I can already see how much this dog is going to do for me both emtionally and physically. I will say, that it is TRULY like having a newborn in the house again! Lots of work...she didn't disappoint there:)
Can you even believe how big her Dad is! He weighs about 175lb. I think?

Magical Season

What an amazing time of the year! I think this is the first time in a LONG time that I have truly felt just that. I think I have said on here before that I have been sick with either pregnancy, flu or other for the past 7-8 Christmas's. Well, this year we are healthy, happy and I have turned over a new leaf. Because the kids are at such an incredible age, it was the most magical time we have all had for Christmas. Santa spoiled the kids, and their excitement was absolutely contagious. Starting from cutting down our tree, decorating the house, and shopping...there was never any stress and we were able to take in each moment. As if that wasn't all enough....we were able to make a family dream come true! Up to this point in my children's life, I haven't been very conscious about what kind of memories they are going to hold onto in their wee little lives. I know that they will always carry Alaskan memories of all their cousins, Grandma, Papa, and Teta's and uncles. But, what an amazing moment to know that this Christmas we were quite literally creating one of those moments that they will carry with them the rest of their lives. We broke down and decided to bring our dream dog into the family. We are going to have another baby in the house and the beauty of it is, that I don't have to rough my nipples up for it;) TMI! I know:) rofl.... Well, her name is Keeta and she is an 7 week old Blue Dane. We are picking her up earlier then we expected....TOMORROW:) Yipee! Last night I thanked Jake for all of his hard work this year to help keep us afloat, and he took it one step further and made dreams come true. Somehow "thank you" just never seems like enough. This morning we laid in bed thinking about our 2009 goals. I am so excited for the New Year and full of happiness. Some words that I am going to take into the new year (not resolutions) are CHANGE, PRESENCE, SELF-LOVE, AWE, AND FUN!
To see the video of the kids getting their surprise package you have to go see it on my Facebook page.

My Heart is Full

After a day of frustration, there is a day of healing. My family is my ultimate healer and they sent me a package yesterday that I will treasure forever. My beautiful sister-in-law headed a project to pass a shirt around to my immediate family (like the traveling pants). Every brother, sister, niece, nephew, dog and my parents signed a shirt and a card for me and there are no words to express how my heart felt as I read it. I was instructed to video and take pictures of the opening process so that's what all of these are.
The whole day after getting this package I just felt so proud. Proud to be blessed with such an amazing family and blessed by MS. Although, my family is affectionate and loving, I don't think this gift is something I would have ever received from every member of my family, had I not had this harsh news in my life. I thank you Sheli, from the bottom of my heart, for making this happen. If I am feeling weak, or unsure of my path, I will be able to put on this new shield of hope and support and move on with confidence. I miss you all so much and am so thankful for every one of you. My heart is overflowing with love today.
My parents threw this beautiful gift in as well that melted my heart. I can't wait to read something that isn't about diet or MS.
I wear this everyday now and each time I look at it I get vapors in my eyes. I'm sure that it's not entirely unhealthy to miss family this much because it's suppose to make the heart grow fonder, right. I have lived away from my family for 9 years and I tell you, it doesn't really get any easier:(
The video of my opening the gifts was too big to put on here, I will e-mail them to Mom and Dad for you to see the tears flowing. Here's a pic of just that:)

It's only fair that I share my bad days with my inspiring days. Yes, I struggle...I work through fears...and I feel overwhelmed. The daunting questions of the day...what am I going to eat next? I'm starving, what am I going to make for dinner? I feel symptoms, are they new? Why do I feel so tired, that I feel drunk? Why does my body miss the Mona Vie so much and why does it have to be so damn expensive? Am I letting fear creep in because my energy is down? We went over to friend's house last night and although they so graciously cooked me chicken because I couldn't eat the meatballs, everything else was still off the diet. I felt a little frustrated that they had to cater to me, frustrated that they thought they were eating healthy, frustrated that they kept asking if I "could have this and that", and feelings that I was a little lonely on my path. Even Jake could cheat here and there with no guilt. There is something triggered in me that ques the panic when I "cheat". This isn't like falling off a diet...this is making conscious choices that could hurt me down the road. I have to rest each day and in doing so it makes me feel a little lazy and alone. I am working on the rest time as rejuvenating moments instead of slacker moments that fill me with guilt. I'm filled with guilt that I am not working out yet. As I sled with the kids and get my heart rate up and body temp rising, panic sets in a bit that I will overheat and bring on an exasperation...fear. My friend Minda, would ask me right now, "have you talked to Herman..."? It's not part of the routine...I can't find my routine, I have dodged routine for this long, why do I have to find one now? Thank you Herman for this moment...this moment when I am able to gather enough courage to find my strength...."Even though I have fears about this disease, I love and accept myself!" I do have fears and struggles, but each day I am learning, growing and dreaming and that is more than some people have in a lifetime. I am grateful for my health and my life. I am blessed. I AM......

Let me tell you what....it's slicker than 7 snots on a doorknob out there today! We were like farts in a skillet being stuck inside (thanks for all the sayings Dad), so we decided to venture out. We went sledding on the thickest ice and our butts are going to pay the price as soon as they unthaw. I was so happy to get a little snow because it was reminding me of my Alaskan Christmas's...but, this is too close to AK! I can do without the 100 mph winds that cut right through our bones. O.K. I am being a bit dramatic;) I am a little embarrassed to say that we have chains on the truck (Alaskans don't even know what they are). I got some fun pics though and we had a blast playing for a short time before we all got too cold and hungry.

All the single ladies....

I don't usually do this kind of thing on my blog...dating ads and all;) Aaron will love that I posted this on the world-wide web! He was hanging with us the other night and was the one that took the holiday shot of all of us in the card. He is a great photographer...he has a HUGE talent (Moulin Rouge;). This isn't the first time this character has appeared. From my understanding there is a video out there...don't worry I will get the link;) LOL Jake and I wanted to help him this year with his Christmas card and he was a sport all right. My face hurt from laughing so much and we know how good that is for the soul. Aaron has been a blessing to us and he is food for our souls:) Thank you for coming into our lives. Here is a normal picture of him incase there is someone out there that wants a little more Aaron G! He will be an amazing catch and I totally want props at the wedding if your "love at first site" is off this blog! Thanks Aaron....good times.

Today's the day!

For many of you reading this, you already know this beautiful being. Her name is Amy Seeley and today is a very special day:) This is probably what she is doing today, she is so giddy! She birthed a new CD today!!! It's name is 8 Belles. Now you can all go buy it for last minute stocking stuffers for yourself instead of leaving her MySpace page open all day like I do. She is like water for my soul and nourishment for my heart. I love this girl and her music will touch you in some way because it is so genuine. She puts her heart right out there for the world to experience. Thank you for being in my life Amy Seeley....when I think about it, really, it was "so typical for someone like me, to invite you in" to my life;) Love your face:) The picture below was the first day that I met her (thank you Jesh) and she planted something in me that would grow into something beautiful in the form of strength, friendship, and inspiration. I am so thankful for so many of you in my life! Go check out her website that will be live any day...minute;) Amyseeley.com

What matters?

I know there are a few people out there that will relate to me on this one. The holidays are usually filled with panic, chaos, running around like a chicken with your head cut off? I remember years in the past that I was so stressed out doing other people's cards, getting in orders left and right...trying to make everyone else's Christmas a success. Well, this year, I didn't want any of that. I am priding myself on keeping this time of the year as stress-free as possible. Had this been any other year, I don't think I would be able to look at this situation with such calm eyes. I got my Christmas cards delivered today and was so happy to see them. They put a HUGE smile on my face and I felt so proud...until I handed one to my neighbor (who happens to be a principal) and noticed that the word Simplify got simplified to "Simplfy". Well, here's to not screwing up any of my client's cards, and to giving myself a laugh. Let me send a quick shout out to all my proof readers this year...wait, I didn't have any..this is all on Jake and I (thanks for taking one with me boo:) This is perfect timing....don't sweat the small stuff...there is no good that will come into our lives when we stress out! Happy snow day!!!! Here are some outtakes from this year's card.

Get the Kleenex out!

Brace yourself for this one. I don't usually post stories trying to get tears...but this one I know will bring a few because I still have vapors in my eyes writing it. Yesterday while the kids were waiting to get their sandwiches from Subway I saw them talking at the table. When I sat down and spread all their food out I went to bite into my wrap. Tré looks at me in the most serene moment and says.....(first I'll get his face in your mind)


"Mom, we're kind of glad that you got MS. If you wouldn't have ever gotten it, then we wouldn't have changed our life to a healthier one. We are sad though that you haven't gotten rid of it yet though. But we feel happy that you got it." I then had to reassure them that the reminder to be healthy will never go away because I will have the disease for the rest of my life. I told them that it was a dis-ease in my body that told me to do something different and it will come back to remind me when I don't do the right things. He said, "see that's why we feel happy that you got it." If that isn't a testament that I am doing the right thing:) I can't tell you how much joy this moment brought me and how many tears of joy that I shed. I know that this is devastating in a lot of situations, but this one story is a story of hope on the journey of change. Just incase you are crying like I did, I thought I would leave you with a priceless shot that I captured in the tender moments of creating this years Carlisle Christmas card. Jamie misunderstood me when I said to "get Daddy"....well, maybe he didn't...he got him alright! Enjoy;)

Diet

My cool new hang out.....everyone's doing it!What has happened to this word, diet, in our society. I have never quite looked at this word so closely in my life. I, myself used to think of this word as a fad, a craze or temporary change. Somewhere we lost the real meaning of this word. Let me tell you what it means for me right now in my life. As I sat my kids down to define this word because it comes up a lot these day...I told them that it a word the describes the types of foods we eat in a day. The lifestyle we choose to live by putting good or bad food into our mouths. Some people have good diet habits and some bad. Well, before my diagnoses, we were the All American family on the All American diet. I have always known that I had and needed to change our diet to a healthier one. Do you want to hear my list of excuses of why I didn't...rhetorical question because I will tell you them:) I have 3 small children that don't eat a lot of variety. We have an on-the-go lifestyle. Healthy food doesn't taste as good. I am a "meat and potatoes" kind of girl. The one I never had the balls to say was, that I was scared of change! Well, change has smacked me in the face and I'm not going to sugarcoat that it's easy....it's the biggest challenge that I have come across in a long time. This isn't something that I can fall off the wagon on. When people ask me how the "diet" is going...I tell them, that it is a lifestyle change it's going in the right direction finally. I'm not writing this because I want the whole world to change right now because I know for a fact that nothing else would have kick started me into a healthier life besides MS. It isn't the easier route and I am having to take babysteps....but there is no turning back because my #1 excuse of having 3 small children and not being able to do it, has now become my #1 excuse for the change. There is no one manual that I am following. I have put myself back into school (metaphorically), finding my new teextbooks to take notes from, picking my professors and just trying to do my very best. Try not to wait for a wake-up call....do something on that "I have" to do list...move it to the "I want" to do list! Why don't we look at food like addictions? If you can't take it out of your diet and there is no nutritional value, doesn't that sound like an addcition? I have had no problem taking all sorts of bad stuff out...now begins the challenge of learing to cook all over again. The pantry is bare and there are grains, nuts and berries staring me in the face.

Red LIght, Green Light...

The other day while I was hanging out with my friends at Wild Branches, one of the women came up to me and said that she saw visions of JOY when she prayed about me. She said that God was in awe of me....little ol' me:) It wasn't just ironic or coincidental that she said Joy and it couldn't have been more perfect timing. I know that I have joy all around me and and an overwhelming joy in my heart. When Jake and I were driving the kids to the tree farm the other night and this sky was in front of us, I felt the joy burning inside. It was the most amazing sky and I stared at the stop light and I let the fear of MS creep in for that split second. Then when that light changed green, I left the fear behind. I have the green light to move forward with confidence and hope. The skies were on fire the other night....this is what I feel inside. I have never been at this place before in my life and there are so many things to learn in such a short time. My heart is on fire. I have a thirst for life and I am not willing to stay on the surface any longer. I kind of feel like the baby turtle in Nemo when it blasts out of the main stream. I just got thrown out of the jet stream and I fought to get back in...but now I kind of like being out on my own. I don't miss the pressure to keep up, or the fast pace that brings stress. Green means go....just go!

Change

Why is it that we all fear change so much? Why is it that we all know that eating healthier and being conscious of stress is the best medicine and yet we choose to put them both on the list to do later? Let me make one thing very clear here before I get into my changes. I used to always say that I was an All-American girl when asked what my diet is like. I am a steak and potatoes kind of girl and I love convenience. I have eaten fast food for days in a row before and liked it:) Eating healthier was always on my list of thing to do, but I never even knew where to start. Why would I by the way, if I was feeling healthy? Even when I was told that the boys have certain allergies to some foods, I said that I would rather deal with the rashes and medicate the symptoms rather then change their diet...cause that would mean we would all have to change our diet. With all that being said....I still didn't think it was possible when I was diagnosed to change my lifestyle. My awakening came when I read the Swank book, decided against the shots, met Minda Coombs, worked with Herman Johnson and started thinking about the future of my own kids. O.K. so God had to give me a lot of tools to encourage me and he hit me over the head quite a few times before I would listen, but I am finally here and I'm not as scared anymore:) I have been doign the Swank Diet for 3 weeks and I haven't journaled the process yet because I am taking more food out than putting food in but I am getting there. The kids are doing amazing and willing to try new things....so there goes my biggest excuse "that I can't change our diet becuase it's too hard to change the kids". I feel like an idiot now, because they only have a few years of programming (by me and Jake) verses my 34 years of programing and being in my safe box. They haven't linked MS to being hereditary or some other diseases for that matter and yet my kids chances are greater now that I have it....which leads me back to the notion that it is our lifestyles that are hereditary and we are passing our bad habits onto our kids. This is why I am driven. This is why this disease will never catch up to me. I am not fearing change anymore becuase I am in the thick of change and I can see the good. I will pass on the tools for my kids to outrun disease as well. I can give them that....we can give our kids at least that. The beauty of my MS is that I have an internal alarm to tell me when I am not giving the best to my kids and when we are doing too much....that's a pretty amazing gift. Tackle a fear next week. Face it head on and you will see that it is only you holding yourself back.