Heaven's Eye Photography Blog

www.livinglifebeyond.com

2009-10-26T09:00:00.000-07:00

What are you still doing over here? Oh, you're catching up on the last few years of my life:) Go live in the now and type in www.livinglifebeyond.com

It's a...

2009-10-17T20:07:00.000-07:00

NEW BLOG!!!!!!!!! I finally did it with the help of Jake (and Brian and TJ too:) This chapter of the blog has ended and a new chapter has begun. Please go check out Living Life Beyond (livinglifebeyond.com). Go get your dancing shoes on because we are about to do the Happy Dance together! I can't tell you how excited I am! Go chickity, check it out:) I have to tell you....I'm a little nervous posting this. I am about to go live with this! Am I ready? Is the new blog ready?

Get out of my way fears....I'm clicking live on all fronts...here I go. Here's to new beginnings:) I wish you could see the smile on my face or feel the butterflies in my heart (not sure why they are so high and not in my stomach...must be a deeper....excitement of accomplishment). Go now.....

Fresh Eyes...

2009-10-05T13:54:00.000-07:00

"I'm so busy, it's crazy right now."
"Oh man, that sounds so nice, but we have way too much going on for that."
"He/She has change since we got married."
"You have too much time on your hands."
"I have to drop Billy off, then I am off to the grocery store, then to the gym, back to pick up billy and take him to soccer and then to the dentist. Homework, dinner, bed." whew;)

These are just a few words that are like nails on a chalkboard for me right now. I know how easy it is to get overbooked...believe me. Too busy to do the things we "want to do" because we have put too much on the "need to do" list. Let's me babble for a bit on the different aspects of our life that suffer the most from getting so damn busy. Look at the chaos in this pic....just enough time to see what the other person is doing, talk surface for a bit and then back to the chaos.
We all get buzzing around so fast that we miss seeing each other....really seeing and talking to each other. Take for instance...months ago, Jake decided to shave off his facial hair. He asked me one day if I had noticed. I was taken back by the fact that he had to ask me, but then I was in total shock when I asked him how long it had been...3 DAYS! I hadn't REALLY looked at him (with fresh eyes) in 3 whole days. How long has it been since you saw your sig. other with fresh eyes...a day, week, months, years?:( Another story. I just got back from the most amazing trip to visit a friend in Sacramento (more to come on that). Traveling is the best medicine for getting us to open up our eyes to new experiences. I am on cruise control half the time and notice very little in a day that wasn't similar to the day before. Well, I did a lot of talking about "fresh eyes" (or clear eyes for Lindsey) with Mark and Lindsey as I photographed them for 2 days. I wanted to explore the idea of when we first start dating someone and all the awesomeness that we observe in each other. How do we keep those fresh eyes in a marriage years later? First we have to slow down! Then we have to be curious about the other person. We have to stop putting everything they do into a box of understanding and labeling. When was the last time that we have said something to the effect of, "oh, my husband/wife would never do/like that." How do you know this for sure? WHY do you know this for sure? I hope that I catch myself saying anything that might answer for Jake. I hope I never know him that "well". After all my incredible experiences on my trip I couldn't wait to get home to my pride and joy. Jake and the kids (and of course the dog) were all in the car picking me up. Jake got out to help with my bags and the first thing I notice....he shaved all of his facial hair again. I NOTICED:) His face lit up as I mentioned it because what I really could have been saying was, "I noticed.....I SEE you...I LOVE you!" I am processing a lot on keeping marriages fresh and also noticing how BUSY everyone is. I think they are hugely connected and it's something that has to be balanced all the time. Slow down a little...then a lot and when things get busy again, start the process all over again. When everyone is resting (getting their kids into this and that), be the one that flies away and does what is right for their WHOLE family. Pull up beside someone on the telephone line and really talk, not regurgitate schedules.Jake and I are going on a mini-vaca this weekend to Seattle. Our dear friends Heidi and Dave spoiled us with a weekend workshop at the Gottman Institute. So while the rest of our loved ones are going to soccer, then football, the movies and whatever else on the schedule...we are going to take a second to be different. We are going to focus on the glue of our family...the love that started it all and continues to be the glue! Go find something to have fresh eyes about. Go look at your kids with fresh eyes. Lots more to come on this freshness;) I can't wait to share our trip:)

Careful what you wish for.

2009-09-15T16:36:00.000-07:00

Let's say that you haven't seen me since the diagnoses....upon seeing me the scenario will probably go something like this. "Eeee, hiiiii (squealing in between)." I say hey, how are you? (in the midst of a huge embrace) Then you might push me away from you as to get a better look at my whole body. Then the inevitable comes..."how are you feeling?" And before I can answer you, you take the space where I am suppose to answer with, "well, you look great?" I put a question mark there because it always seems like those words come out with such surprise and confusion. Then there is a look that some have given me. I don't know how to quite put the exact words to it, but every woman has experienced it. When you know you look good and a woman gives you a compliment that you look great, but her eyes are more like daggers of jealousy that ask "how" or "why" do you look so damn good. Let me explain where I am going with this...wait, I can't because I don't really know what I am trying to say. Let me give you a couple extremes that have come my way to put me in a confusing state. When a couple different women (friends) have said, "maybe I should get MS so I can look that good." Or, "I don't want what you have, but you have a rockin body". These are compliments right? At every point in my life I have always been very confident and happy with what my body looked like (minus, right after baby insanity moments;) As a woman, I know that we tend to take our eyes off our own plate A LOT, but have we become so out of touch with reality that we would wish a sickness, (like when someone gets the flu and gets all skinny), or a disease on ourselves with careless words. I don't feel mad when people say these things because I know where they are coming from. I am glad that I am confusing their vision of what MS is suppose to do, or might do to me. But we really need to take more care with our thoughts of ourselves and words with others. When was the last time that you paid a compliment to yourself? When was the last time you liked looking at a picture of yourself? If you can't remember the last time, then you may want to pay attention to what kind of self talk you're giving yourself to be that unhappy with your healthy body. Maybe you have been living so long in who you WANT to be instead of appreciating who you ARE! I wished many times that I would care more about food and get healthier one day. My wish totally came true and this is the path that needed to take me there. I truly am thankful for this wish....but many of you might want to be careful what you are wishing for. Take control of your thoughts and be who you want to be!

I remember taking these pictures for Jake for Valentine's Day 6 months after Jamie was born. Shannon was just starting out in photography and we went to go take shots of each other. In that whole process I remember realizing how much the pictures were for me and not Jake by the end.The experience was uplifting and exciting. I was proud of the body that I had and even embraced the huge nursing bra showing through because I knew that one day those big girls might disappear. Let's be realistic here...I am still a girl and I haven't been 100% content my whole life about each body (I do have an ego and I did want a boob job), but I think what I was able to grasp that many others don't was that no matter how much I love or dislike my shape, I know it will always be changing. If I can't embrace it for it is in any given moment, then I am not embracing me. I loved my body a year ago when it was 20 some pounds heavier and didn't want to lose the weight. I will take your 20 extra pounds and you can gladly take the MS. I just hope it has the same wake-up call that it gave me. If it doesn't then you're just going to be skinny, but still unhappy.

So go get some pictures taken of yourself! Love your body for keeping you alive and healthy, because it might not be that way tomorrow! I have taken some recent pics to celebrate, yet another phase of life and I can honestly say that I love my body and I'm not afraid to say it, because that isn't for anyone else to discredit. I love my body for waking me up. I love it for allowing me to play volleyball, take care of my kids, wrestle Jake, tie my shoes, walk straight and I even love the tingling all over...because it's me. So yes...I look good....because I feel good. And for the days that I might not feel good, at least I don't have the extra negative thought swirling around about not being content in my own skin. Thanks for the ranting!

My Passion is contagious!

2009-09-06T22:42:00.000-07:00

This is so exciting I don't even know where to begin....
Let's go back about 10 years.
I had a camera
I had a baby
Baby inspires me to learn again. I start reading. I start looking for a way to be more.
I fall in love with baby so much and the only way I have to document it is a point and shoot film camera.
I start journalling, cutting pictures out of magazines, taking pictures....I say this because "scrapbooking" was not yet a household craft.
Then I REALLY started scrapbooking. Then I got payed to scrapbook.
Then I wanted to get better pictures and I start shooting all the time.
Then people started complimenting my photography and "maybe I could shoot their family"?
There...STOP...there is the spark, and it is about to get ignited. The day I started to ASPIRE to become a photographer! First I toy with the idea and start tip toeing through the beginning of an exploration. How can I shoot in better light? Where do I get better prints? What outrageous thing can I do with my kid now, all for the sake of a picture?
Then I found The Catalyst in my photography life....Joyce Makenzie. She handed me her camera and had faith in me. After that first click of the camera in her studio, I felt impulses begin to fire in me that I never knew existed. There were fires started in the depths that were igniting motivation for the first time in a long time. I couldn't learn enough. My head is still spinning!
Fast forward through 3 amazing kids, the most supportive parents/family, husband and friends a girl could ask for, and a passion that could never be extinguished was born....
Now...I want to be That Catalyst (thanks for the brainstorming Tracie!). I want to be the wave maker and the synergist that stimulates a passion waiting to be fueled in someone else. I know that my passion is contagious and I love to share my story....so here goes the beginning of this chapter.
My friend Amy Hall has been a catalyst to me for this as well. I have had classes on my agenda for years but I think I let fear get in my way. Amy is that friend that I admire for her ability to do. She is a mover and a shaker and she is one of my biggest fans. What I was delighted to encounter this year is that I am now one of her biggest fans;) She has grown into an incredible photographer that shares the same thirst for photography that we never seem able to quench. She has given me the courage and push that I needed to create a space for others to learn. So here's the news....she and I are teaming up for the first ever class....drum roll please....called...
So please come and aspire to get out of your box...whether it is the fear box, or the busy box, or the there's too much to learn box, and come be in an encouraging surrounding that is going to be filled with amazing people. This is the mothership of all crafts. Photos for life. We plan to squash every antonym to the word Catalyst (block, blockage, preventer, prevention). Can you feel the excitement? Thank you Amy for helping me get out of my own way!!!

More Details....
There is going to be so much fun, talking, doing, eating, laughing, learning and deep thinking that your heads might implode as your eyes are taken over by your soul!
$395.00 Full Day class
$100.00 extra for a bonus day of more hands-on practice getting behind and "maybe" in front...(not saying for sure in case you panic;) of the camera. We are OPEN books and there is nothing off limits. So leave your "I cant's at the door", open up your mind and put the most amazing tool in your hands and learn with us! Leave a comment if you are interested in more info (or e-mail me..heavenseye@comcast.net). We are only taking 20 rockstars so jump on it!
Oh the dates:0
October 24th and 25th

More tears please...

2009-09-04T12:45:00.000-07:00

These are happier tears this time with the day 2 story. First I will make you cry, but then I have a good laugh for you as well (hang in there Kenz:) Take a look at this face below. Really look at his smile. There is so much joy. And above all, this little guy is bursting at the seams with LOVE. I never really understood why people question whether or not they are going to have enough love for a second child after they pour so much into the first. Well, I can assure you that any doubt that you have in your mind is washed out when your heart is filled from the sibling love. There is no prouder moment than witnessing that overwhelming love that a child has for their sibling. When they get excited to be with them every moment of the day. When they get protective of them. Or when they have moments like this....Tré came home yesterday and told me that the day was awesome. Then he paused...he said with a shy smirk, "but almost cried again". Jalena asked why before I could. The conversation went like this...
"Jalena, do you remember when we saw each other at recess. Well, when the bell rang and I knew that you had to leave I felt the burning in my throat because I wanted to cry." She asked why..."I guess it is because I love you so much that I didn't want you to go, I wanted to go with you." Later he was telling Jake and I about it again and he elaborated. He said that he was scared for her. He was worried that she would get scared or feel like crying and he wanted to be there for her. So he got over his own moment of fear the day before...but then he put the same fears into someone else's life and took on the emotions again. I am so thankful for all the love lessons in my life and I am proud that my kids have a safe place to process their emotions. I told them that they are lucky in love and that they should be proud of loving so fully. I told Tré that he has to be careful/conscience of putting emotions on others and worrying about how they might feel. He doesn't get it quite yet because he doesn't have control of his compassion...and that is probably what makes him so great and full of lessons for us to learn.

Just in case a few of you are crying (Mom:), here is another favorite moment of the week. I was working on the computer and I could hear the kids plotting in Jalena's room right next door. They came flying into the studio and thank goodness the camera was on my desk and ready to go to capture this greatness! SUPER UNDIES!!!!!
I'd like to say that this is the first time that my kids have done this, but I can't:) I will say that the little princess below was the first to ever attempt such a thing. I think she as about 4 when she first tried it and the boys thought it was genius. I know your kids have done this as well...go get the dang camera out and capture your own memories. Don't them slip away.

Get out of your own way!

2009-09-02T23:35:00.000-07:00

What a day! First day of school and I fully expected waterworks as I always do each year when I have to detach from my kids after an amazing summer. What I didn't expect was tears from my 4th grader and yet another important lesson in life;) The day started off great. Everyone was excited...I know this because there was so much chatter this morning that you would have thought it was Christmas. I made binders for the kids that had Keeta's pictures all over it so they would miss her too much. Put everyone in the car (including the dog) and headed off to school with a little pep in our step...First stop, yearly pose...everybody's doing it:) Stay with me until the end for the lesson or at least tears....
Next stop...Tré gets swarmed by his friends...wait there are no boys in there? He tell THE GIRLS that he has to help his sister first. True to Tré style..."Jalena, this is where your backpack goes and then you line up right here when the bell rings.""Tré, I KNOW, I've watch you every year! I'm outta here!" True Jalena (The Icebreaker) style.It didn't take Tré long to get right back into the swing of things.Thank goodness they still don't what to do next once they catch their prey;)Then it was one last shoe tying session...the bell...the anticipation of saying good-bye) this is where I start to get a little weepy.Jalena....nervous maybe, but hidden by the shield of bravery and excitement. Tré...proud...nervous, but looks great and gives me a confident wave good-bye. I'm not quite sure what happened in the time that I clicked off my camera, grabbed Jamie's hand and walked halfway down the hall.I hear these heavy, desperate footsteps with a small whimper to echo. It is Tré sprinting after me just seconds after I saw the little smile on his face as I left him.Most of you would not have turned back on the camera. Most of you would have handled this situation differently...but I assure you that in the next steps that I took, I probably covered all of your choices. First, I coddled and told him that it was perfectly normal to be scared. After 10 minutes of getting nowhere with rationalizing I went with parenting technique #2...stern. Get in there and go see your friends and stop letting the fear get a hold of you. #3 Let's try some breathing techniques and try to stay in the now...what do you hear, feel, smell?" Clearly he couldn't smell a thing because he had been crying for 15 minutes and it was stuffed. Now the teacher comes out to see what in God's name I have done...she sees that I need back-up and gives her hand at it. Still no go and MORE tears. Now I just want to cry with him and take him home with me...fun rollercoaster, huh...stay with me:)Bribery (which I take pride in NEVER using). Let's talk about the surprise that I am going to work on for when you get out of school and tell me all the ways that you got over your fears and had fun. Nothing...sobbing now! I am pretty sure that we are 2 hours into this ordeal at this point (reality, 15 mins/30 tops). I tell him to go get a drink, gather himself and march into that room and I will wait outside the door until he feels comfy. Sure, I was prepared to stay the whole day. Final technique #5...in a final last effort to put all my mommy skills into action, I seize the opportunity when the teacher came out for the second time...to get the heck out of dodge. I told her to hold onto him, that I loved him and that I had to go.I am pretty sure that my whole heart was left behind or at least sitting in my throat in that fleeting moment. If you could zoom into his face full of emotion in this pic you would be bawling. In all my techniques and all my wishes, there was nothing I could do to get him out of his own paralysis created by fear. I could relate to this more than he could possibly know. I still feel those paralyzing moments that takes me right back to a scared, little girl that can't find the courage to take the next step. So as I sit here and try to write this through the tear-blurred vision. This day, these moments were designed just for me. I was suppose to have these lessons today through my little appendages. One being brave and showing me the path that I know that I can choose. And the "older me" showing me that it's o.k. to be scared. It's ok to fear change. It's NOT o.k. to be paralyzed and to get in my own way so badly that I need someone to grip me out of it. So thank you kiddos. Thank you for being the most beautiful human beings in this world. I want to feel like this when I get off this bus that I am on. I want to hold my hands open this wide to show the world that I made myself fell "this big" today. Tré told me that he thought of Keeta to get out of the fear. He said that he looked at the binder of Keeta if he felt sad. Mommy tactic # whatever, worked! He found his own way out and he felt so proud.We're o.k. now. I'm O.K! I am so thankful for this day and these tears, and to be able to share. Tomorrow is a new day...and I won't be walking the kids into the school. I think I will just stay in the car and cry. I will pretend for a moment that I am able to push the pause button on this thing called life that is always is fast forward. God help me next week when this guy goes to his first day of his last year in preschool. God help me when he goes to Kindergarten. Let's not even talk about all 3 in full day just yet.
The lesson of the day...get the hell out of your own way. Take one of your biggest fears and stop giving yourself thousands of reasons to hold onto it. Just conquer it. I can't tell you how, but I can tell you how amazing it is going to feel on the other side of it!

Feeling

2009-09-01T17:33:00.000-07:00

I'm writing today without a picture in mind or a topic for that matter. I was just sitting here overcome with the need to write. It might be all over the place and it might end up put together;) I am struggling today with the BIGGEST, Babysteps of my life. Everything in me handled the MS diagnoses with becoming a do'er...well, maybe not all of me. The other half is overwhelmed and wants to pretend I don't know how to 'do'. As I sit here and think of all the things I need, want and have to do...part of me goes into 'do' mode. The other part of me is quite comfortable in my little box that was comfortably built by my very own fears. So, let me get this right, the diagnoses woke me up. It gave me direction, perspective and the desire to change. Well, it also brought the overwhelming alarm inside me that tells me to do nothing...to just be. Oh I get it, it's another balancing act! So now I am standing on one leg, on a rolling ball, 20 plates piled high in one hand and the other hand is trying to rub my belly. I am pretty sure that I was suppose to take my life off of overdrive before I got so revved up:) I wish I were more of a dancer. Then my story would go like the Josh Groban song....

"So She Dances"

A waltz when she walks in the room
She pulls back the hair from her face
She turns to the window to sway in the moonlight
Even her shadow has grace
A waltz for the girl out of reach
She lifts her hands up to the sky
She moves with the music
The song is her lover
The melody's making her cry
So she dances
In and out of the crowd like a glance
This romance is
From afar calling me silently

A waltz for the chance I should take
But how will I know where to start?
She's spinning between constellations and dreams
Her rhythm is my beating heart...

I think I am finding my dance. I just want it to be a bit more graceful....not so many bumps and bruises;) What's my point today? I don't have one. It just feels better to be sharing. I went with Jalena to get her hair cut today. She wanted it short and off her face. I think I will follow her dance today. Going to push my hair back and see what I see. Pics of her new do to come:)

My hopes

2009-08-19T10:47:00.000-07:00

my hope is a living thing, and stronger than i knew.

Thank you Jesh De Rox for putting something up that spoke to me on Facebook. When I read this quote this morning it moved me. I get words said to me on a weekly basis that I am an inspiration. When I read it and hear it, it makes me feel amazing, humble and a bit overwhelmed. But, when I try to process the extent of those words I can't understand how I am living differently. What is it that I am doing or saying that inspires? Is it because I have MS and I'm not falling to pieces? Is it because I am an open book and I speak my mind? I am sitting here trying to make the words make sense to me. What am I suppose to be doing with my life? Am I already doing it? I want to help the world just like the next person. It is dawning on me that in what I thought was a selfish moment, by helping myself, it turns out that I am helping others. Because I put my words, my heart, and my emotions out there, someone relates and sometimes it helps them to process their own thoughts. So what do I think is inspiring about my life...I think it is my HOPE. I think that MS has given me the perspective that I have needed. It has given me the confidence that I am living beyond.

Sure I still have my fears. I have to make the conscious choice each day to continue on my own path. Amongst all the other temping paths that come across my life, I choose to stay on my own. To stay on it without harsh judgment, with a positive outlook, and yes, HOPE. I'm not afraid. Why is it so hard for me to say those words without crying? Sometimes it comes out with confidence and sometimes it comes out with a little shaky voice. I am not afraid of what is ahead of me on my path. I'm not even afraid that it looks like I am walking into the "Children of the Corn" path;)I have HOPE because I have my laughter:)

I have HOPE because, in this moment...I have my health. I have these mad hops that help me to be the MVP (self-awarded) 2-3 days a week;) I have hope that I will give my kids tools in their life to deal with whatever may come their way. I know that by changing my diet and lifestyle the fear of them having MS is so minimal in my mind. They have been by my side every step of the way and they continue to teach me that you can always change. They feed my hope when I am not there for myself.

As for photography....I know that it is one of the greatest gifts that God has given to me to be an inspiration. I am inspired daily by some many people and moments around me and the craving to capture it through a lens never is quite quenched. Suddenly in the last year Heaven's Eye Photography has taken on a whole new meaning to me. From day one I have always know what types of shoots feed my soul, but it has been such a learning process. In that process there have been a lot of paths that I have tried to jump on. I know what I crave now. I know where I am strongest and that is in telling a story. It is meeting people that I feel are living life beyond. There is something in them that inspires me. Heaven's Eye has shown me exactly what I am suppose to see through my lens....HOPE, happiness, reality, love, and all the little moments inbetween that we are too busy to appreciate....touch, admiring looks, emotions that can only come out when we are open enough to explore them. I want to be that safe place.

Thank you to Lindsay Viersen, Cindy Cieluch, Whitebox, and Shannon for the pictures. I never would have thought in my 20's that I would be able to look at pictures of myself imn y 30;s and feel so proud, in love and withoutt reservations. Thank you for being such amazing friends, inspiration and an endless pool of love! Oh, and Jalena took the one of my jumping. Thanks Lou...you light up my life!

I am

2009-08-18T12:57:00.000-07:00

"Is it not by love alone that we succeed in penetrating to the very essence of a being?"
I haven't talked much lately about my Ms. Carlisle life and I have been doing a lot of processing, so here you go. I get a lot of "how are you feeling?" When I answer, "Great!" There is always a quick look up and down, and then a "well, you look great!" I wish it were all based on how I looked;) Yes, I have lost a lot of weight, but then again, I am eating a very low fat diet. It is a cross between the Swank diet and The Ms Recovery Diet (based on McDougal's studies). I eat any kind of fish, chicken breast, turkey breast. Lots of fruits, veggies, and nuts. I introduce things as often as I can, but for the most part, it is very much the same foods everyday. Jake has been my saving grace and somehow he comes through with dinner when I feel like I can't bare the thought of food (making it at least). It will be one year since my diagnoses in October and sometimes I feel like it was just yesterday. I haven't made the necessary strides that I want to take towards diet and making it a number 1 priority. I haven't been symptom-free yet:( But everything is completely bearable and I haven't had any episodes like the first. Most of my frustration comes from the food side of things. Another side of the frustration comes into play when I am fatigued, have a headache, tingling to much and I am able to put into the MS box that never seems to make sense. Hence the sad face below. I was taking snapshots of myself today trying to see my face when I thought of certain things. Apparently when I think about the above thoughts this is what I look like. I see a little sadness but more determination and focus.The upside...I have come SO FAR!!! I don't sell myself short of all the accomplishments I have worked hard for this year. How could one year be so full of so much change? I love my life and I am still 100% thankful that I had a diagnoses, and more importantly, a WAKE up CALL! The perspective is stronger than ever, and when I think of all the changes we have made as a family, this is the face that appears:) And this is the sheer joy that apparently shows on my face when I am doing what I love. Thanks for the shot Amy...it warms my heart right to the core!I have much more to write about that I have been processing but this is all that I want to focus on today.

Yes, I work...sometimes.

2009-08-10T16:30:00.001-07:00

While in Alaska I was able to take senior portraits of an amazing girl. This is one of my childhood friend's nieces. She wanted to be a little different then all the location settings most of her school gets and so we took her to a magical place that we all grew up. We went to the lake of course. It was one of my favorite shoots in a long time because of all the inspiration and possibilities. Not to mention, some of the most perfect light on an overcast/smokey day! Here is my take on what a senior shoot looks like to me. Yes, I know they want to look sexy/super modelish. Yes, I know they want to stand out from all the other senior shots...but, here's the thing. Jamie will stand out from the rest because she is her. There is no one else out there like her. No one else has her laugh. No one else loves this location like her. No one else will pull the same memories out of this shoot as her. After 2 hours, I think I was able to capture her many looks, a lot of personality, so much laughter, and some of that supa-model seriousness:) What can we learn about Jamie? She loves volleyball for starters.

She has a smile that could light up the darkest of months in AK:)
Oh, and she is GORGEOUS!
Still gorgeoso...
She likes to sit on inner tubes...actually I don't know that, but I do know that she looks smokin' on them.

She was such a sport.
She brings so much beauty to a state that is SO full of majestic beauty.
She looks amazing in from of an old outhouse!
She can rock a hammock.

She is the perfect accent for her Grandpa's incredible car!!!She has a calm, confidence about her that is going to get her through any challenges that might come her way. Oh, and she LOVES her Mom and Dad. They laugh so much together and you could just feel how proud they are of her.
This "joke" of a picture (of her NOT wanted to put pets in the picture like her Mom suggested) turned out pretty great. And one day it will mean the world to you when you are missing him.Thank you Jaime, for trusting me and for bringing such a ray of sunshine into my life. I had a blast hanging out with you in one of my very own, favorite places in this world:)
Thank you also to the Sherpa Niece of mine that I couldn't have done the shoot without! Kayla you are a star...and you got some pretty great shots for your first shoot. I have a feeling I am going to be sharing a passion with you one day soon;)

So Beautiful

2009-08-07T17:12:00.000-07:00

50 Years...they are different then us. They're journey is so unique to them. And yet I see us in them. I see the respect, the ultimate admiration, and the over-whelming love in their eyes that has grown over 50 years. That is HOPE. Because I know that we are them. We will be looking into each other's eyes in another 39 years thinking to ourselves, "where did the time go?" I will have the same New Bride glow about me, and you will be handsome as ever. I can't wait to have someone snag a picture of you gazing at me as if I were the same blushing bride that you remember 50 years ago.
I can't wait to renew our vows and not be able to get many words out amongst the tears because the moment is too overwhelming with love. I can't wait until 50+ years of this same love takes my breathe away with you by my side, holding my wrinkled hand.
I can't wait to kiss you with my eyes closed and in that moment, have no clue that 50 years has passed because the love is so familiar and timeless.
So beautiful you are...
please don't move
you feel so good to me..
so very beautiful.

What could inspire such words on this fine day, you ask? What does 11 years of passion, respect, trust, friendship, love, lust and laughter equal...Marriage. 11 years ago at this time I believe I was about to walk down that isle with butterflies filling my stomach and chest waiting to see Jake's face as he sees his beautiful, blushing bride for the first time. I never could have anticipated where our young love would take us.
"What is passion? It is surely the becoming of a person." I cannot thank you enough Jake, for helping me shape into a person I can be proud of, in a love that is so unique...it could only come straight from God.
You...
You are so patient
so deep
so funny,
so open. (I am at a loss of all the words I could use to describe so many amazing qualities)
Me..
I am so thankful,
so hopelessly in love,
so excited and thirsty for more.
Together, I am pretty sure that we are unstoppable. You are on my mind all the time. You are the best thing to ever happen to me:)
If there were ever the most perfect reflection of our love that I could use to describe our love, it would have to be these three! Can you even believe the life we have created for ourselves. Happy Anniversary my love. Thank you God for the perfect man for me. Thank you Jake for all that you are. I love you more than these silly words could ever express...

Trifecta

2009-07-15T09:59:00.000-07:00

Our friends had a house party the other night (it's been a while since I went to one of those:). Of course they needed a theme, so they called it the Trifecta. At the time they names it, 3 celebrities had unfortunately passed away (Michael, Farrah, and Ed M.) So we had to choose one to dress as:) Is that hysterical or what. So here we are after finding some treasures at Goodwill and getting ready from store to party, in just 2 hours. What a night. I have video footage of Jake lighting the party on fire with his Michael moves. Fun times:)

This is my lovely friend Amanda that got roped into going after we picked blueberries together all day. Sh was a little untrusting of the whole outfit (found in my closet) because she felt more like a pirate then Farrah;) I think she just looked plain, hot!
Who knew we would find the most amazing suit at the first stop and the first glance. That's how we role with our positive energy!

Grateful

2009-07-14T10:59:00.000-07:00

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy. They are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." I must start with a picture of this amazing person that graces my blog often. Willow is one of those "charming gardeners" in my life that more like Miracle Grow:) She started an incredible network of fantabulous photographers called Tacoma Click Chicks. I have been dragging my feet for quite a while on getting a class together over the last year. Well, Willow finally convinced me to try my content on her happy little group. I know I always say this, but MAN did this trip ever rock my soul! Could you imagine getting up in front of the most supportive group of women and talking about your passion for hours. There is nothing better than that:) So thank you Willow (and Click Chicks) for helping me find the courage to share my story and my perspective.
Thank you to these beautiful women for being my Miracle Grow of the month. You shared your hearts and passion and together it made for the perfect mixture for creative bliss.
Thanks Kenz for the shot that will always flood my heart with the memories of the day. Also, thank you for always opening your home to me and the Carlisle Clan. Thank you for being my biggest fan for a day. I loved having you by my side in the form of courage. The kind of courage that only the best friendships can give you:)That's more like it. A picture reflecting exactly what we all experienced by taking a moment out our month to go beneath the surface and focus on our common thread...PASSION. Take in the joy from all these amazing smiles! Take it in. Let it seep into your pores and drip into your heart all day.I got into everyone's grill to see how they did if they just didn't care. If for one moment it was just me in front of them, wanting to remember their faces. We couldn't have eaten at a more perfect location for lunch. This is exactly how I felt after such a wonderful day!I know you looked right at that beautiful smile in this picture. I just met her that fateful day and she surprised Amy and I with a lunch on her. I don't think I have ever had anyone do this for me. This amazing person is Jenny Wohrle.And you know and LOVE this face! Usually I play the role of her biggest fan as she ignites souls all around her with her music. Well, for this one day, she became my biggest supporter and travelled up with me to share this day of growth because Jake stayed behind with the kids. I can't even put into words how much this day impacted my life and I will continue to share my story and my journey in hopes that it brings as much joy and perspective as these kind of days bring to me. There was even more perfectness to this day when I got to bring Amy up to my sister's newly remodelled, beautiful home, and introduce her to my parents. I have pictures for another post about that:) Thank you Jake for holding my hand on this quest and for always believing in me. Thank you for continuing to cultivate that safe place for me to continue to find my growth. Without you, I my garden would have never been started. Together we grow, quite possibly, the most beautiful garden on earth;)

DOG TALK

2009-06-30T17:05:00.001-07:00

Why was your dog brought into your life? What are the biggest lessons that you are learning or not learning;) Imagine me going into a bookstore and buying a book called, The Power of Now. Then imagine them handing me the book and a 90 pound puppy that comes as the free tool to practice the book. This is exactly what God did! She has brought so much into our lives...Love, living in the now, forgiveness, and patience. She continues to try our patience and tests our ability to stay stress free. She isn't easy by any means, but she is right where she is suppose to be, as if God himself left her bundles in a while sheet and dropped off on our porch with a sign around her neck that read..."Hi, name me what you would like, I am here to teach you a million lessons, but for now lets just be in this moment together:) Here she is below getting lots of love from the boys after her surgery to be spayed. It was my first experience with actually missing her being up my butt at all minutes of the day.
I love that she brings so much joy to most of our guests...at least the dog lovers. She is a bit over bearing for most (including me at times). I definitely missed her hanging out with me as I get ready in the morning. I have my girlfriend that will hang out with me as I go through the morning routine that can be a little lonely at times. And this is beautiful Penny, that came to visit. Keeta thought she was the coolest play toy and Penny learned how to be extremely assertive towards really annoying large breeds that don't know their own strength. I don't think Keeta has a clue that her paw upside the head feels like a brick coming down on a tiny dog such as this.
This was a brilliant idea of my cousin Lisa to show the two extremes. We actually had to feed them at different times so that Keeta would mistake Penny as part of her raw meal:)

Unveiling!

2009-06-22T17:30:00.001-07:00

O.K. imagine these so much brighter!!! Thanks for still sucking Blogger, and I will pat myself on the back for dragging my feet on starting my new blog. I'm on it:) This project was so much more about the feelings of accomplishment, bravery, anticipation, and so many other emotions more then just surprising my hubby or having fun with friends. I will forever hold this weekend in my heart as a reminder to keep things spiced up and to always go looking to put the butterflies in my own stomach. To go do something that you are so proud and excited about that you quite possibly are the most contagious person in that moment. I took more than a baby step with this project and the accomplishment is bleeding into so many other avenues in my life, I can hardly stand it. What energy are you carrying with you today? What are you saying to yourself over and over? I have said that I am not a do'er, that I am a procrastinator....yada, yada. Well, when I "do", I am amazing. And when I am determined it is liberating. Thank you again to Amy and Aaron, and thank you all for your excitement you shared with me. You will have to come over to experience the true vibrant colors and amazing energy in our love nest in person. Or I could just keep it all to myself and tell you to go do your own;) Here's to doing!

The headboard is a work in progress. We plan on putting some ridiculously, amazing pictures up there soon.
This is a print that I made using Session beer caps with Rock, Paper, Scissors and the words above are "Managing our Love". That is exactly how Jake and I decide who does the not-so-fun, jobs in our lives (usually entailing cleaning up poop of all kinds;)Me+Him=Love! I also have one more on another wall that has us together in it.
This is the love note board. I want to be able to leave sticky notes of love on here every so often.
This is me being totally happy and beyond excited to show Jake. I think this is right before he got home.
These are the beautiful flowers that Brittney gave me that made the room smell like Hawaii. And I this was a new table from Target that I glues record coast to so that I could match my record wall downstairs.A love note to Daddy from his little girl:)

Mr. Make me Laugh a lot!

2009-06-22T00:03:00.000-07:00

Here's to the man that the world knows as the sweetest, most handsome, amazing man on the planet:) I know I speak for the kids as well when I say, thank you for the most important gift of all...laughter. You put smiles on our faces everyday and you are the glue to our happiness. I love you and thank you for going above and beyond everyday for us. For being the only kind of Dad that comes natural to you...one that loves fully and wears the title like a second skin. You might want to give me the sweet photoshoot I am looking for next time or all you posts are going to continue to make the cyber-world laugh.

O.K. one sweet one....you have no clue of your beauty and blinding Ora. I will continue to reflect it back to you. You make me want to be ME and your kids will always see you as a hero. I think that Tré summed it up quite beautifully in his card he made when he said, "I think you are the best Dad in the whole universe and planets. Also, I just can't stop thinking about you in school and I love you." I can't stop thinking about you either:)

Old Room

2009-06-21T10:09:00.001-07:00

First a picture of the old room and a few words on Father's Day(about my Dad, Jake later today, he has to have his own post:). This was the last time that my Dad was able to come to our neck of the woods. We get to see him quite often in Seattle when he is there for medical. His health is the same and we are all learning to just be thankful for everyday that we have together. With the new room all bright and shiny, it will represent change and new life.
I didn't have to study Freudian theories to know that I would always look to my father for his approval. I know a lot of you might be thinking that you don't fall into this way of thinking...then why do you want your significant other's constant praise and approval? Or do you go outside your marriage to be noticed by males to feel cute or sexy (we all like approval, validation). I don't mean to let this come across in a negative way. My Dad is very proud of me and I adore every part of him. I am very conscious of the scars I received from self-affliction. For searching out a lifetime, thus far, of validation from anyone but myself.
When I met Jake, I discovered my safe place. I know and trust fully in this place and I am able to embark on a journey that I never knew I needed to go on. Allowing me for the first time, to explore myself. I am shedding so many old layers of my ego to open up the wounds and heal them myself, and trying to understand the person underneath. P.S. I am really starting to love that person all naked and stripped down;)
To my parents...thank you for being my safe place for years. I am ready to give this thing called life, a try on my own. To my Dad on this special day...I know your life was extremely busy because you worked so hard to give us all a charmed life. Thank you! Thank you also for noticing me in your little ways, subtle as they are. I admire you...adore you...respect you... and LOVE you. I hope that you can drop the worry and the guilt that we build up as parents and enjoy your 7 amazing successes that will be calling just to hear your strong voice of approval and proudness. Happy Father's Day...Love, Baby Duck (no one can use that one on me besides him, so don't try it;)
And to Jude...Jake always wishes you a Happy Father's Day because you were and continue to be his everything. Happy Day to you for raising one of the most exceptional children ever to grace this Earth:)To Willie...I know you are looking down on Jake with the most admiring, longing eyes. I am sorry that you didn't get to truly know one of the most beautiful pieces of you. God gave him to you just in time to wash out some of the guilt with knowing pure love. We were blessed to have you in the short time that we got you, and I we are thankful for that. For year's Father's Day was just a reminder that there was a Dad somewhere out there that was missing out on a miraculous life. Today I see Jake's eyes lit up and his soul on fire because he is the Father that he never had. He embarked on his independent journey much earlier than I, and I will continue to pull right up next to his path and learn all that I can.

More Nonesense

2009-06-21T01:00:00.000-07:00

A room wouldn't be complete without a trip to Target for the finishing touches and more fun.
This is the project that I decided to take on the same day that Jake was coming home. I had to paint 3 of these. Thank goodness Aaron was in on this one as well.
The crew! Notice the sweet girl on the end. Our story goes a little something like this. Out of nowhere she e-mails after finding my site from a musician's site. She says to me..."To start, I came across your site by combing through Keegan Smith’s photos…..which then led me to your blog.....I’ve taken this past week, as time has allowed, to read through your archives and let me just say Ms. Carlisle - you have, truly, lit a fire in my soul….

The reason you have stood out to me in such a profound way is how transparent you are. It seems, to me, there is a lot of hocus pocus in this world – so many different illusions to work through – yet, I found you – and with all that I have in me, without ever meeting you, without knowing the sound of your voice or whether or not you life truffle salt (which is a personal favorite of mine ;) ) I feel your magic is the truest and rawest there is – the kind that comes from the soul – I feel your work….and anyone that comes across your path, I am confident, does as well. I don’t even have to ask how you do it – it’s as simple as you do it just by being you….and that is beautiful." Oh and there was a lot more of this dilishesness, can you even stand it. Of course I had to have her over. And wouldn't you know she came bearing gifts and jumped right in on the project. I heart you Brittney...you definitely ROCKED my soul!
Off for a break to our favorite place!
Now, here is a little treat that Aaron caught for you all. This might seem like a little much facial serenade until you realize that I am singing from my fav. movie, Moulin Rouge. When I found out that my two friends had never seen it, I broke up with them and had to finish the room with my new BFF (Brittney, because she loves the movie as well). I will only hang out with you other two again when you have seen the movie. Please understand that I am doing this for your own good;)

Can you feel it! This just sums up the feelings in my heart after accomplishing such a weekend! I know I am going to get more mad comments wanting to see the room, but I have to make sure I get the whole story....Sing it with me..."All you need is love"

While you were out!

2009-06-20T17:18:00.000-07:00

This amazing story is going to have to take up a couple of posts because it is so full of moments that I never want to forget! Let me set the stage....Jake and I have always dreamed of a serene, perfectly, perfect grown up bedroom since we have been married. Why then, has it been at the bottom of the priority list? Well, he went away last weekend to Canada for B-Ball. I started to think about our room while he was gone the first night and I didn't like it at all. I will try to dig up a picture. Well, I decided to call my friend Amy just to tell her that I was thinking of doing a "While you were out" surprise for Jake and after my conversation with her we decided to do just that. I tried to talk myself out of it because I didn't feel capable or inspired. Well, inspiration was just what I go when Aaron and Amy came over to work on project "Love Nest"! I am not even going to try to put into words what this weekend meant to me! I will attempt it in the next post.

1st stop, Home Depot for supplies for designing on a dime.

You can tell how much fun we are already having at stop #1 from her cheeser smile:)Stop #2..our second tea of the day. I wanted to sneak up on the two when they came out of Starbuck's, paparazzi-style. First I had to set up the shot...BOO! Is that you Aaron Galeotii and Amy Seeley?!!!!!I am pretty sure that if Aaron's hands weren't so full that I would have lost all my teeth to a flying judo kick! LOL Are you dying over his scared face. This was so worth it for this one picture right here. We pretty much didn't stop laughing from this point on. Step 3..Take a picture of us, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed before we begin on Sat. at 5pm.Eager Beavers ready to go!Step 4...Bring in the helpers. Amy got Jamie.Aaron got Tré and Jalena.How did I get the short end of the stick and get this A-Hole?Let me just tell you a thing or two that I learned about this girl last weekend. She is even more amazing then I ever thought she was (which I thought to be impossible). Sometimes I overthink things until a I paralyze myself or get in my own way. I was trying to talk myself out of this project all the way up until after getting the supplies. Amy stepped up to the plate and started taking outlet covers off and taping and it felt like she was taking layers of fear off of me and mending my heart. It's just as I spoke about before when I talked about friends coming into your life and help you take the babysteps. I depend on Jake to do just that for me everyday and now I am trying to find the courage within. The "I can do it" attitude. Thank goodness I have friends as training wheels:) I have so much more to write on this and pictures to show. Just a teaser for now;)

Stolen Moments

2009-06-13T09:20:00.001-07:00

This is why I want to teach parents how to take better pictures. (Patients...my shit still isn't together:) The way I see it, you can hire me or any other photographer for an few hours, even a day, but there are just some moments that are saved for the most intimate moments. These memories are packed with the strongest emotions, and the most detailed senses. They are the moments that stop a mom or dad in their tracks and make the head tilt, the nose burn, and then the happy tears start to flow. They are the moments that we cry about because we have all been too busy to see and life is so much in fast forward we wish that we could pause it for these moments. Why wouldn't I want every one of my friends to be able to capture these moments I speak of:) Get out your cameras and just keep clicking. It doesn't have to be perfect. It's just a tool to capture what you feel in your heart at that moment. Something years from now that you can look at that sparks a beautiful story that will be told to your grandchildren. This is one of those moments below. I was on my way to DC and went in to kiss them good-bye. They were having a slumber party and this is the dog pile that I stumbled upon at 5 in the morning.

Jalena reading Jamie a book. Jamie loves to play with her hair. So sweet!

This is the concentration of a perfectionist. He went on his sister's fieldtrip and you couldn't tell that he was the only preschool kid because he was such a good listener:) Too bad this memory was tied to the fish hatchery. Remember the stong senses...well this one reaks like fish. lol
This one is going to bring back the emotions of sheer bliss and excitement of going to the zoo together. This is one of their favorite places and they always have the tightest bond when they are there together. "Come on Jamie, let's go to the sea lions!" and Little Miss Independent is leading the way.
This is them trying not to smile. Jamie apparently wanted the picture to be serious and he said "wait, I need to get into character"....can you believe that clown. The kids still think he is the funniest kid on their planet.
Today...and everyday for that matter..I am thankful for the camera. I didn't know what I was doing when I first started and here's a little secret (most days I and many of my "professional" photographer friends, feel like fish out of water with our shoots still). My goal was never to master the technical side of photography and thank goodness, because I would be a complete failure;) Here's to the most amazing tool in the world and for being able to capture my life around me. The things that make me think, the moments that make me happy, the people that make me think and all the beauty that I get too out of the NOW to see.

Where everyone is family!

2009-06-10T09:47:00.000-07:00

There are so many favorites from the day but I can't bare to post anymore until I get the new blog up and running because these colors are killin' me! This is probably one of my favorites of "the shot" for the wall. What a fun vision to be a part of and just being with this family just makes your heart sing. They are so loving, supportive and genuine.

The masterminds behind the restaurant and this shoot...Michael and Joy.Vintage bliss!
And you know I couldn't help taking the inbetween outtakes of the love stories intertwined in the day. David and Andrea..thank you for letting me steal this moment. I am assuming I can thank you because you will love to see yourselves kissing:)
Michael and Joy, you little Hot Pockets:)This is a vision I got before the shoot when trying to brainstorm a shot with Proud Papa and his 4 boys.And none of this would be possible without the bliss of these two beautiful souls. They are the perfect Yin and Yang. Sheila, so graceful, reserved with a sparkle in her eyes at all times. Mike, stoic, an open book, and is like your favorite teddy bear that is always there to fill you with love. I admire you two from afar and thank you with all my heart for welcoming us into your spiritual family.This was going to be the PERFECT end to a perfect day, shooting on this wall...until the LOUD alarm went off and scared us away. I should have stood strong, knowing I was with the brave Galeotti's;) At least I got this one.We had to do jumping ones on another garage door.Another favorite of the day!

Galeotti's..."Where everyone is family"

2009-06-10T09:27:00.001-07:00

Many of you might not know a disturbing fantasy of mine....I always wanted to marry the Mafia...don't judge;) Well, I think this is hopefully the closest I will ever get. This beautiful family just happens to be the sweetest Italian family on this side of the Mississippi:) This is my beloved friend, Aaron's family. They just took over a restaurant in Battle Ground and they are going to be rebranding it soon with their new fabulous spirit that they carry with them. When Papa Mike and Joy asked me to do a Soprano-type shot of them to blow up for the restaurant I was a little nervous. I don't like trying to recreate someone else's art. So what's a girl to do? She calls her dear friend Brian, that is always up for the challenge. As always, he opened up his heart and mind to me and once again I have been inspired, I have learned and I have a heart full of thanks. Here is what it takes to set up a shot such as this...

This is the stance of a creative genius! If you have ever worked with Brian, you can't help but LOVE and feed of his intense energy. The Galeotti's adored him of course and you have to go check out his shots (unreal!) My take on the day will be in the next post...don't chew your nails off;)

Sister Love

2009-06-07T13:13:00.000-07:00

You all have to remember these two beautiful ladies! This is A dynamic, sister duo that I did senior sessions with and I adore them! They wanted to put together a shoot of the both of them for Mother's Day to surprise their mom with. How sweet s that? They put together the money to do a shoot with me and I couldn't feel more honored. There is something about their connection that I am in complete awe of. The simplest touch is so natural to them and they make each other laugh all the time. I loved the emotions that I connect with on this shoot and I am so glad that they will have them to treasure through a lifetime of sister-love!

Boom, Boom Pow!

2009-06-04T22:42:00.000-07:00

Not too long ago I got to go up to Seattle to give a speech with Heidi at Washington Cease Fire. I wasn't too nervous going into the whole thing until my sister, Tracie said that she was going to be able to go. I didn't want to over-process my emotions of wanting to do great in front of her, and I certainly don't want to process why I couldn't look at her when I was giving the speech. I think it had to do with the fact that she looked like she was struggling to breathe because she was so nervous for me;) Can I tell what I have enjoyed processing...an amazing, grown-up day with my sister. We got to go to lunch together, no kids and we got to try out a restaurant that she has had on her list to try out. Let's just start there....
First there was the delish tea. This one is for our sister...can't wait to have a sister tea this summer!
Next was the rediculously good appetizer. Look at that presentation!My dish...Her soupA sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost. ~Marion C. Garretty
Now let's talk about how amazing my sister is. I think I have blogged on the other sister-power in my life, Lynn. I felt like she was with us on this lunch because it was clean, healthy, Asian and I could just feel her presence. Miss you Lynn Marie! Meet the middle sister, Tracie.
Most the time Tracie and I get stressed out calls from one another about parenting woes or emotional rollercoasters we have embarked on lately. Well, this day was nothing but soulfood. We didn't get very deep, it was just being together that was so satisfying. Tracie is so modest when it comes to qualities being said about her and she is much more private then I am, but just let me take a moment to boast about this amazing woman in my life:) She has a smile that will light up any room...Her sense of humor and comedic timing is impeccable. I think all my brothers and sisters are the funniest human beings on this planet...She is so mysterious and yet she wears her heart on her sleeve. She cultivates her friendships over many years and is one of the most loyal friends you can find.I remember thinking that she was one of the smartest people I knew when she was in college. I still admire that medulla oblongata of hers. When she carries herself into a room, I think that people must think, I just have to know her. Well, I know her, I love her and she is someone that I will always admire. It's so amazing to get one of your siblings in front of the camera. They are so vulnerable and a tad uncomfortable, but it's an incredible process to capture the hero that is painted in my memory. I wish I could spend a full day with each of my siblings getting to know them and painting that picture of admiration with my lens. Thank you for supporting your little sis...the day meant the world to me! I wish the color would just be normal..I guess I can't drag my feet on making the new blog anymore so there will be no more complaining about dying color in my pics;)

Pricless

2009-06-04T12:58:00.000-07:00

Not long ago Aaron was over at the house after we did a shoot together. It was a normal day in the Carlisle household...taking a moment out of our day to have a big ol' snuggle-fest. He picked up the camera to capture what he thought was going to be a tender moment.
Until I went in right for the "tenders". It turned into WWF in no time, which is a likely event in our household.I didn't factor in the dog into the equation before I started in on smack down;) She added a whole new dimension into the game.
I can't thank you enough Aaron for capturing the dirtiest move on this side of the Mississippi. Jake locks both my hands together so he has free reign of the whisker attack on my face and neck:(As you can imagine, that cheap shot gets me a little heated. My next move usually doesn't end well...dropping the hammer from way up..."The Flying Ninja Kick"The ninja kick usually drops him to the ground where it gets down right dirty! I can't say that I have officially won any of these wrestle-fests, but that's not going to stop me from trying.
Aaron, I can't put into words what these pictures mean to me. These are the simple, beautiful, memorable moments that I would have let slip away in my fading memory and these pictures bring back the smallest little details of that day. The most simple moments that go on under this roof are the details of our hearts. They are the memories that my kid will hold onto for their lifetime and they will have pictures to go with the stories that they tell their children. Thank you for being in our life! Here is another simple moment that I don't want to forget. I don't know when they will ever be able to trim their own toenails, but its a mundane choir that I adore because they get to be close me and I get to pick at them like a mama monkey:)

Communtiy

2009-06-01T16:40:00.001-07:00

Girls...ask yourselves...when do you laugh the hardest in life? I dare to say that the hardest I have ever laughed in my life has always been with girlfriends. Oh, and there was that one Mojito night at the lake a couple summers ago with my family, but that doesn't count because there was alcohol. If laughter is the best medicine, then God has blessed me with the best laughing months that a girl can handle to make sure that I am fit as a fiddle. I really want to know what is so dang contagious about laughing with your girlfriends that makes it so unique? I can be completely silly with Jake and we laugh everyday with each other, but it is just different. I am really beginning to believe that this laughter is in my life for a bigger reason and I am starting to really see how important my community of women really is. It all started with the amazing weekend filled with love and laughter in Lincoln city. The weekend was filled with passion and laughter...what could be more powerful than that?
Then you all remember when Lindsay came into my life and lit my soul on fie with all the laughter that we shared.
Then I was BEYOND blessed when my childhood friends came to visit for less then 12 hours. There is something so healing and comfortable about girlfriends that know your past and everything that encompasses who you were. Then we got to meet all over again and share our grown up lives. I love them dearly and I will be feeding off of our short time together for years to come. Cass and Irley you were the best thing since sliced cheese! Can you tell who always acts a fool...but only because they think I am funny:)That's the laugh I'm talking about...look at the gut-wrenching laugh. I think I did the equivalent of about 1 million sit-ups while they were here. Then there was the most recent. Cindy...oh Cindy...you make me feel all warm in my chest when I think about our time together. You have a joy in your heart like none other. I have never met anyone so genuine and beautiful as you. When I get around you I feel like we can conquer the world, or at least save the Tamils;)
And because of Cindy, I was able to go for a LONG overdue visit to the friend that rocked my world in every sense of the word, from the first day that I met her almost 10 years ago! She is my soul sister and my kindred spirit. When I describe her to anyone, I glow. She is statuesque, bold, powerful, confident and so full of life. This trip was much needed on both parts and I cried when I had to say good-bye to both. I have pictures of Terri's beautiful family that I will share and more from DC. I just felt it in my heart to talk about these amazing women in my life and there are so many more that I am blessed with. Thank you to all my incredible community of women. Here's to more healing laughs and being there for one another. I love you all and hope that I bring as much joy into your lives as you do mine! Terri, is it wierd that I want to blow this up HUGE on my wall:) Can't you all just feel the joy in this shot? I miss you my friend!

Courage

2009-05-29T12:43:00.000-07:00

"You have to have faith that there is a reason you go through certain things. I can't say I am glad to go through pain, but in a way one must, in order to gain courage and really feel joy." (Carol Burnett)
I have found so much joy in my life in the past few months, that it feels like I am glowing from the inside. So open up your eyes so you can look in mine and see your reflection! If you are finding it hard to find joy right now in your life, maybe the light in my life can shine on you. I have been blessed with so much light in my life from so many amazing friends and family. I hope that my joy helps someone out there to find the courage that they have needed to get through life. I am here in this moment, I feel my body, I hear so many new sounds, and I see so much beauty. Today is a great day because I am....

Emotional Injuries

2009-05-12T14:31:00.000-07:00

How long have we been telling ourselves that we have pains, injuries or illnesses? When we "feel" something going on in our bodies we try to define it as fast as possible. Because if we can define it (put it in a box), then we can name it and then fix it. It may call for a drug, physical therapy, chiropractic care or all of the above:) I do it daily with my kids. I am already teaching them the language that is so mainstream. "What hurts? Is it your tummy? Do you have to poop, throw up, hungry? No, and it still hurts...well, here is some medicine. Your joints hurt...probably growing pains." Well, what if my friend Herman is right about where most injuries really stem from....our emotions? I have had the worst neck pain for about 2 months. I have had it before, in college and after the kids were born. I have always chalked it up to a pinched nerve, or bad posture, or stress. Why was I so quick to label it with relation to stress and then do nothing about it other then quick fixes here and there? Today I did some EFT work with the Herman8er:) As I lay on the couch and watched the AMAZING clouds go by, I was in shock at how much I don't slow down enough to just BE. I claim that I'm slowing down. I say out loud that I am not stressed. I feel like I don't hold tension inside...and yet, when I take a moment to feel the energy in my body and ask it what it needs...it is screaming at me to slow down, release the tension and fears of everyday! I saw clouds develop into hearts right before my eyes and wished I had my camera in my hands. Then a took a moment longer to just stare...I felt love inside. I am loving myself enough to stop and take care of myself. My health isn't in someone else's hands. Herman has helped me develop a new language to speak to myself and I am beginning to heal. That just feels great to say. This isn't about the MS either. This is healing from all the damage that I have caused over the years by not listening to myself. Getting too busy to connect with myself. Connection. When is the last time that you had a DEEP connection with another human being (not in the cyber world), and I don't mean sex either:) I mean staring into someone's eyes and just being with them for a moment. I can't wait to tell you all about our shoot with another amazing man in our life...Jesh! It was earth shaking, soul healing, and one of the most beautiful days for Jake and I in our marriage. Thank you to all my spiritual healers! The tools that you share with me are so crucial and so appreciated!

I was completely drawn into Herman because of his smile. It is bigger then life and his energy is so amazing. I know you can feel it in this pic:) He is for sure one of the people that have come into my life that I believe in more ways then one, is "Living Life Beyond" He and Jake will be the first to kick off one of my new quests in life. To document amazing souls that I feel in some way or another are living beyond the ordinary life that we get sucked into. More to come later;)

Anyone that knows Herman knows that this is him most of the day. He is always there for his friends and he is always checking in. This was him getting a call at the end of our shoot. You can just see the bliss that he feels as he speaks with whomever is on the other line. I can ALWAYS hear him smile when he talks with me.

Swimsuit Ready!

2009-04-29T14:40:00.000-07:00

Just when you thought you were going to see me in my swimsuit...:) Today my friends brought this little number over for our Girl. I didn't ever think I would be the type to dress up my dog, but this was irresistible to take a pic of. I can here your giggles and sighs:)

Teeth

2009-04-25T12:08:00.001-07:00

I went to Jalena's class the other day to take some headshots of the kids. I had a parent show me one of their favorite pictures of their kid from a "photographer mom" (like myself) that came to the classroom and captured them sitting in a chair. Seemed simple enough and the picture was a genuine smile that wasn't forced on "picture day". With Mother's and Father's Day coming, I figured the teacher might be able to think of a project to incorporate them. Well, the project took a little twist for me when Jalena brought one of her teeth to school, the third one that she has lost AT school, and the topic of the day turned int how many teeth they have lost. I just think the toothless smile is such a beautiful indicator of the kindergarten/first grade year. Some kids hadn't lost any yet and they weren't happy about it:) There is nothing better then the toothless smile in my eyes or even the big squirrel teeth coming in, smile! There is 3 pics of the same kid at the end because two kids were missing that day and these are place holders:)
I am not a huge fan of the process! GROSS! This is the latest that she lost at school and was able to go to the nurses room to get a cool ring to out it in to bring it home. She got her wish to the tooth fairy when she asked to keep a tooth, so the silly little fairy gave her some money and left her one of her front teeth;)

First Ambulance Trip

2009-04-24T21:24:00.000-07:00

Let me start off by saying...the story ends perfectly fine:) While visiting our dear friends up North we had our first ambulance ride with Jamie. The kids were playing on an indoor blow up, jump house. Jamie climbed up the ladder and fell from the top down to the jumping area. He landed kid of on his neck and flipped and Tré called us to the scene when he saw that Jamie was hurt. As I got to the jump house and saw Jamie barely moving or making noise, I started to panic. But the part I will NEVER forget was seeing the ultimate fear in Tré's eyes as he started to scream, "Jamie's dying, he's dead, Jamie's dying". Just writing it gives me the chills and fears all over again. Tré saw him pass out and go limp and his mind went right to the worst scenario. I would have to say I know exactly where he gets it, because I was doing the exact same thing. I scooped him up, limp and what seemed, lifeless and threw him to Jake. He came to in Jake's arms and seemed to be a little out of it. In minutes the ambulance was there and they were giving the check over and getting the story from terrified, little Tré. As everything calmed down Jake and I were able to recall a moment when he was a few months old. He was choking and cried so hard that he passed out. We have never seen it again until now, and I guess it is fairly common in some people. That is why we didn't really hear him cry...he cried so hard and silent that he passed out when we got to the scene....SCARIEST moment ever!
Can you just see the stress in their eyes as they watched their baby brother leave in an ambulance!He was such a trooper but he quite possibly has the best puppy dog eyes in the whole world.This is his nervous smile. He and Jalena were so brave and while we weer at the hospital they made him "I love you" pictures to tell him how much they missed him. Best and worst moment all wrapped up in one.

Behind the Scenes

2009-04-22T10:22:00.001-07:00

Now for a little "behind the scene, not so secret, secrets":) Aaron has been so awesome on shoots with me. You never know he is there and he is always ready to help at the drop of a dime. He also sees a story in me as I shoot and he has shot snippets of me shooting throughout the last few months. I love looking at these...the way I squish my nose, squint my eye, and pull out stances that should be on Top Model;) So here are a couple shots from a recent shoot with my beloved friend Tika. I had to climb down this steep hill to get in front of them. If I didn't stop and look back to enjoy the moment of Jeremy helping her down the hill....
I wouldn't have gotten this tender moment. You can feel the love in this gentle caress.
Or this...where dance originated...from loving moments of touch that sometimes we are too distracted to feel or remember.
Kathy, why are you so low...so far away? Nice lens flare Aaron:)

O.K. so maybe I know he is there every once in a while. Aaron, this isn't a shoot for you, how many times do I have to tell you....get the F out of the shot;)This is what I saw from far away...only they will remember what they were laughing about in this moment.Maybe I do have another secret that many people wouldn't be able to pull off...
How did I get such an angle from so far up? Was there a rock in the middle of the beach that I climbed? Could I have jumped and shot? Just glance at the look of "what the heck" on Tré's face:)Wherever I am, Jamie thinks it is the coolest thing in the world. The sparkle in his eyes shows how impressed he is in the moment.Of course....how else would you get the shot? I guess you have to have a 6'7" hubby that loves to carry you around like a sack of potatoes. One of my favorite past times is climbing on my Jungle Jake!We are such a spectacle! Please don't try this at home...we are professionals!How else was I to get this shot? Thanks Jungle Jake..I love you:)You might also be asking yourself..."Kathy, are you going for a desaturated, death look lately?" Why no I am not, it's this f'ing blogspot. I am so all over a new blog, here I come TJ:)

My Secret

2009-04-21T08:57:00.000-07:00

I don't remember who was having the competition or what the prize was, but on that given day that I read about it, I felt compelled to write this. It was a competition on what our secrets are that set us apart from other photographers. There are very few secrets in photography anymore, but I feel like I might have one that not everyone has figured out;) Thank you Lindsay for the beautiful picture:)
"My "little secret" is definitely out of the ordinary...and I know it will be hard to understand and maybe even shocking. You see, I have an internal alarm in me, a switch that was flipped, that tells me when I am too stressed, not getting enough sleep or not eating right. The last time that this alarm was in me was when I was pregnant (3 times). I knew that I had to take better care of myself and live with intention when I was carrying that baby inside me, but then it would take the back seat when the baby was here. The alarm is on forever now.
How is this a secret tool for my photography you ask? What is my secret? Well, my photography career has been filled with new actions, new equipment, new styles, new scenes, new props and new ideas. None of which made me feel like I had reached my potential or made me stand out and get noticed. We all want to be noticed as artists. It wasn’t until I started noticing and paying attention to myself that I found fulfillment in my career and passion.
I blog because I want to blog and journal my life, not because everyone else is doing it or it’s good for my business. I take pictures because I want to be inspired and I make the time to get inspired. I love to take pictures of people because all I really want is to know them, to have a connection. I am a photographer because it ignites my soul and I want to make a difference and all of this is possible because of my “little secret”…. a diagnoses of MS in October. I have shed MANY layers of my ego. I am an open book, and I have no secrets and I know my passion is contagious. I have perspective. Maybe the secret that we are looking for to take us to the next level has been inside us the whole time?" Go find something to feed your soul today:)

NEVER FORGET

2009-04-20T12:51:00.000-07:00

Foolish thinking this morning. I felt like a might have a bad day because my mood was just off. I got an e-mail from Heidi and Dave who are in Colorado. Heidi was asked to speak at a "Lie Down" at the State capitol. WOW...what a powerful moment the day must hold. Here I am walking around in the beautiful sunshine, finding something to complain about. In Colorado, all they can think about today is all the loss that happened 10 years ago and it still feels like it happened yesterday. My thoughts are with Columbine today and my prayers go out to all those still mending their hearts from all the loss. I will never forget them, and I hope this reminds all of you out there.

Remember the boy hanging out of the window on the live coverage? Dawn Anna is one of the most beautiful souls I have ever met. Because of her loss of her daughter Lauren, each day when I drop Jalena off at school, we give each other the sign for "I Love You". Just as Dawn Anna and Lauren did on that horrific day. We can't ignore what happened because it could happen in any one of our schools on any given day. I don't mean this to bring the fear into our lives, just to open our eyes.This shot was taken on the day of the memorial!

Beyond The Bullet

2009-04-17T15:31:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying thank you. Thank you Heidi for making a HUGE difference in my life. I don't want to write on and on and lose your attention. I just wanted to share one of the most beautiful videos. Amy sang this live at the book launch to this slideshow and it couldn't have been more important to me! Thank you Amy (I heart you). Click here for the youtube version. Also here is a link to our journal for the book that is linked to the site (www.beyondthebulletbook.com). We hope to track all the activity surrounding the book and the beautiful stories that come out of sharing our beauitful baby:) Thank you all for your suppert and I hope you buy a copy of the book from me. Or if you are ourt of town, order it off Amazon or Barnes. If you get it from me, then more of the proceeds will go to the incredible organization we are supporting (Families and Friends of Violent Crime Victims)...and the pictures are better in the copies I have. Oh, and I will sign it for you;)

Choose Civility

2009-04-17T10:46:00.000-07:00

I saw this woman on the news the other night and I didn't watch her performance until this morning when a friend sent me the link. I know I wanted everyone to laugh yesterday and be filled with joy. But today I would love for everyone to cry with me and be filled with joy. Go watch this youtube and cry your eyes out with the biggest smile on your face. Go see how absolutely stupid we all look when we are so quick to judge, and are forced to swallow our judgmental, pride. Go see someone today without putting them in a box after labeling them and then forgetting about them. Choose civility today...we can't possibly know someone's story just by the cover!

JOY

2009-04-15T14:17:00.001-07:00

Let this be contagious today. Let this light a fire. Let this be...This is joy. This is a reflection of what is in my heart daily. Sometimes it gets clouded by elements and emotions swirling in my being, but this is always inside us. It's happiness, it's love, it's content. It's a smile. It can change a moment in an instant. It can bring us out of our darkest hours. It can mend a broken heart. It can change someone's moment or maybe their life. Go out and find that something that brings that smile back into your life. It might just be the most important tool to get you through life successfully. Go smile at someone today. Go find something to make you smile. Go smile at nothing. I am smiling in this picture because I feel joy in my heart. I laugh in the picture below because sharing my joy. I laughed with a friend until my cheeks hurt and in my happiest moments I never ask "why", I mean, how many times do we really question why we are happy, and but in our saddest moments, we are so quick to define it? Laugh with me today...just because:)

Maintenance

2009-04-09T16:50:00.000-07:00

It's not our anniversary until August, but I wanted to take a moment to celebrate almost 11 YEARS outside of the designated celebration month. I know that Jake and I have a lot to offer younger couples out there about marriage, but not in the form of advice. Advice comes when someone asks for it, and by then, they already know and are fishing for the answer they want to hear. It's more about being an example and being very real. Lately, as I have been running my mouth about, it all being about "maintaining before you have to fix it". I get frustrated because there isn't a lot out there in our faces reminding us to collect new tools to help maintain our marriages. We can probably all find a divorce lawyer before you could find a good marriage counselor or marriage encounter retreat. Why don't more couples get together to help celebrate their marriages along with the "my night and your night". How many times have we gone on dates because we "needed" to connect and the movie or club didn't quite do it for us...it just put another band aid on the communication breakdown? Well, this is me reminding everyone to find a new way to connect. A new way to go below the surface with your bestfriend and to go collect some new tools to bring to the communication table. Stare into your spouses eyes for 1 minute straight. No talking. No laughing. Just stare and try to free your mind of thoughts. Usually we stare into each others eyes right before a kiss, a hug, or being intimate. Just go take a minute to see each other! And here is a quote that comes to mind, "Joy seems to me a step beyond happiness. Happiness is a sort of atmosphere you can live in sometimes when you're lucky. Joy is the light that fills you with hope and faith and love." (Adela Rogers St. Johns)
So yes, we are lucky and happy. But what you see after 11 years is sheer JOY and we built that together and maintain it everyday:) Take that to the alter all you young couples;)

Happy Friday

2009-04-03T10:35:00.001-07:00

Why so Serious?...the title of my next chapter book:)
Well, it's Friday and I wanted to post something deep....then one of my friends told me that I am so serious lately. I know why she said it and yes, beneath the surface talk is much more serious then talking about the weather, talking about others, and all that other stuff I am capable of talking about. I still laugh ALL the time. I still play. I have fun...I mean, I am still Kathy for crying out loud:) "I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well." So this is me, at this point of my life, attempting for the first time to live in the width. Before MS, my ego wouldn't allow me to jump into others shoes so easily. I didn't have doses of perspective all around me to question how I was living my life. Don't get me wrong, I know I have been a good person, but I am challenging myself for the first time and I am living life with intention. I have faced my own mortality and I am not afraid to die...and now I am not afraid to live! It just gets better from here and I know there will be a lot more serious talks that I have with people because that is what makes the ultimate connection. I want to connect with people, I don't want to just know them. I want to capture connections and stories through my photography. I am headed in a new direction and I couldn't be more ecstatic. These fresh steps in the new direction, on this new path are headed to grow, fulfillment and excitement. What could be better then that? I will share a few stories from mine and Heidi's book (on sale now!), Beyond The Bullet that will shed some light on some of the perspective bestowed upon me. So thank you for bearing with the serious talks;) There is nothing better except for laughing! Laugh with me!
Thanks for the pic Cin!

Don't miss out!

2009-03-24T18:37:00.000-07:00

My Dear friend Brian McDonnell is one of the most talented photographers and beautiful spirits that I know. I love how he talks with his hands. I love how his mind works. And I love his energy. Speaking of creative and why I am blogging about him...you have to go check uot pictures of his studio. I have linked some but there are more and he is ALWAYS changing it up. Both Shannon and I have shot in his space plenty of times and every time it rocks our world. He has been gracious enough to start sharing his space with all of you. Believe me, the small price he charges is nothing compared to the HOURS upon hours, that he puts into perfecting each separate space in there. I hope to see shoots from all of you in the future with all the great walls...I'm pretty sure it will take you to the "next level";) Tell him I say hello....if you're all lucky, I won't rent out all the times to keep it to myself. Click here to go see more details!

Go rent his space, you won't be sorry. Actually you might, because you will need about a week's recovery time to process all of it's amazingness in it once you are in there. The energy and vibe alone will make you crazy, in love:) Thanks for sharing BMAC:)

Big Girl!

2009-03-23T22:17:00.001-07:00

Our baby girl is getting bigger! Can you even stand it? I have to confess about a couple post ago when I talked about all the peace to my life. I think I was in the "newborn fog". I was blinded by the sleepless nights and the calming naps that I was TOTALLY at peace with a dog in my life. We are now into the terrible 2's and I want to take back that whole post. She brings little rage into my life as well:) She is totally defiant...she is stubborn...and she really pisses me off some times. I know all you long time dog owners and laughing your butts off about this, saying I told her so. Don't get me wrong...I love her...but she can be a pain. Here we come puppy school and I am praying that I don't have to start writing letter after letter to Cesar begging him to come save us from our bad parenting skills;)

This is her sister from another mother that I found with my mad, social skills:) Her name is Rav and I think she is about 9 months and Keeta is 5ish. I can't believe that she is going to be that big soon:( You can't really tell in this pic, but she is quite a bit taller then our girl. I don't even think that the kids were this far up our butts. She is all over us like flies on poop!

Whitebox Weekend

2009-03-21T16:51:00.000-07:00

When my friend Darcie, asked me to go on a weekend retreat with the girls of the Whitebox team, I jumped at the chance. I have always respected their humbled way of honoring each other within their business and their refreshing outlook. The weekend was set up as a beach get away and an inspiration jolt. Many times we are going to workshops of photographers that we respect just to get a glimpse of a possible secret that sets them apart. For me, I have only been to one workshop and it was enough to rock my world and reassured me that I have to be conscious of staying on my own path. If you are going into workshops looking for all the answers, I dare to say you will come out more confused. You will be so excited to try EVERYTHING that the other photographer is doing and at some point get overwhelmed because it is not the right pace for your own path. I am not saying that all workshops or mentoring is bad...I just think we need to be more honest with ourselves of why we are going in the first place. I went on this weekend trip to be inspired...to connect with new lives...to admire and learn from others paths...and that is just what I got and more. The bonus was that my dear friend, Cindy planned a trip to visit me and it fell on this same weekend.
I can sum up the time that I spent with these wonderful ladies in one word....HYSTERICAL!This was a little project that we all wanted to test out....you take a picture straight on and copy one side of the face and flip it so it matches up with the other side. So you end up with 2 left sides or two right sides. We aren't sure why it turned out the way it did. Cindy would like to think that the uglier it turns out, the more beautiful your soul;) It was the most hysterical moment ever. Go check out some of the other girls blogs to get more.Heather Boyles...we took pictures of her family the day we arrived and this is her and her hubby below.Paparatzi style
Heather's favorite memory of the day. She was shocked when she turned around to this many cameras at one time:)
Her beautiful fam!
I will have another post on all the girls and a few shots that I took of them. Thank you girls for being food for the soul, for being open-minded, and for shedding your egos at the door so that we could truly learn from each other. You have ignited my fire in more ways then one and I am so thankful for you in my life.

The Rest of the Story

2009-03-06T09:19:00.001-08:00

I don't think I ever posted the happy ending of this story. These are long time clients and two boys later, their life is more than fulfilled:)

I love this picture! You can just see the bliss in the Mom's smile. They are so smitten with their boys.
And Dad's bliss too!
But there is nothing quite like the proud bliss that Grandma exudes in this shot.Just a little fun shot for Dad. I think this little guy will love looking back at this photo when he is older. Trying to wrap his head around how cool his Dad is:)

My Organic Garden

2009-03-04T09:09:00.000-08:00

"Oh what a night..." Ever since moving away from my family, my community, I have craved that sense of community again. Community comes a lot more easily when you are in your hometown and you are like "Norm", where everyone knows your name. I feel like I have had the best of both worlds because I had just that for years and years and although it was the scariest thing to move away from that, it was the best thing I could have done. The reward of going out and finding my own community has been the biggest blessing. In order to do so, I have to give my whole self. I have opened up to these people and showed them my open and closed wounds, my hopes and dreams, and my enthusiasm. I am able to tap into just about anyone in my community and go under the surface with them on many discussions. That left me with the desire to get them all together, for one amazing night of energy and introducing them to each other. I tried for a month to plan a purpose, a direction, or intention that the night would hold. The more I tried to plan, the more nothing came to me and all I was left with was the same simple desire to just be with them all at once. To be able to thank them and celebrate my new direction in life. So that is just what I did. I knew the energy would be amazing, and it was just that, and it BLEW me away. When everyone got to the house, it was normal, party surface talk. Everyone was getting to know each other from their titles or connections. I took each person upstairs to take a shot of them for a personal project and for memory's sake. When I came down and was ready to get things started, I said a little prayer that the words would come to me. The words that would be able to suffice the feelings I have for each of these individuals. I was going to be the submarine (with my newly diagnosed, dose of perspective) to take them all Beneath the Surface....
Oh, did we ever get there. I was balling, vulnerable, exposed and in love with every word that I felt in my heart. I went around the room and was able to look each person in the eyes and tell them what they meant to me and how they have helped give me the strength and courage to blaze my own trail. It was almost like a funeral, the raw emotions (not the sadness), only it was the celebration of life, our talents, our friendship and the desire to get out of mainstream. It is very hard for me to put into words, but it was spectacular, humbling, and overwhelming in the most beautiful way. I told them that since I wasn't much a gardener that they were all going to be my organic garden. I will continue to cultivate them and have them in my life to feed my heart, mind and soul and in return I will always give them my whole self and love. So for the 25 people that were here and the 100 others that I wish I could have had, I thank you. I thank you for sharing yourself. For inspiring me daily. And for having faith in me. You have all helped me become the hero of my own story. I hope that I was able to introduce some fresh ways of thinking and positive energy that everyone can bring into their own lives. I know that new connections were made amongst my friends that will be so valuable and rewarding and that is exactly what I want my healthy community to be. A source that we can all tap into to get strength, understanding and guidance. What I do best is share my enthusiasm, and I couldn't be more enthusiastic about my life, my future, my friends, my passion, and most of all, my family! Now that I got the gist of the night out, I will be able to write a couple posts with some highlights of the night...if the words come to me again:)

More Fashion

2009-03-03T13:08:00.001-08:00

Here is a bit more of this shoot from the other week. I am trying to stay surface for a couple more days of posting until I gather my thought on my night "Beneath the Surface". I look forward to sharing with you all. For now, just enjoy the amazing work of Janeane Marie. Go on her site and check out Aaron's work on there (so proud:). Here is Janeane herself, with Heather.

Janeane probably wouldn't approve of this because she hadn't finished this top. I thought it was incredible though because it encompassed the shoot for me. The fact that she can come up with the concept and create something so amazing...a talent I will never possess (clothes designing that is). And Heather's tat. blew me away!
I think the camera's tide it all together for me. I love these next couple shots.

Go ahead Aaron!

Out of the Box

2009-02-18T23:13:00.000-08:00

When my friend, Aaron asked me to help with a shoot that he set up through Model Mayhem to build his portfolio....you know I jumped on it. These are the shoots that I like to call a jolt, an energy burst, a quick fix and whatever name for it that I come up with tomorrow. I will include all the links in another post for the make-up artist, the model, the amazing designer, my part in the shoot and even where you can get your hands on such a location. But for now, I just felt like posting a couple to tantalize your brain buds. I have more to work on. I love the inspiration I pull from these "out of the norm" shoots and it's just what the doctor ordered. Thanks Aaron!

O.K. already...more beach shots

2009-02-17T22:39:00.000-08:00

More of my favorite moments at the beach. As I am tingling all over my body, starving because of adjusting to a new diet, and tired from the mental challenge...I look at these pictures and I KNOW (without a doubt) that everything is, and will be alright. Below is my version of the two smaller rocks. These rocks have been photographed a million different ways and this is the way that I like to see them. The reality of what is really in the shot:) Wish I knew the photographer so I could send him the pic. They were all lined up at night to try to get the "one" shot that would capture the statue and beauty.
Can this kid be any cuter...My little Alaskan boy;)
I had to get a shot of the mark we left behind in the sand. Our heart and Jake's portrait of me stayed in the sand all day for all to enjoy.
Just like Keeta has left a mark on all of our hearts:)Enough said about this one....
There is no greater reward as a parent then to see our kid's love for each other. Jake and I have been beyond blessed and these three beautiful souls continue to rock our world in every way.
At 9 and 6 and they are still each other's biggest fans. All three of them crack each other up daily.
Window to a person's soul....well, now you see how beautiful she is on the inside.
These are the moments that wash away all the puppy trials, poop scoops, and morning yelps at 6am. I catch at least one of these moments a day with one of them stealing a snuggle from her.
Then there is that other moment in the day when I catch one of them yelling at her;)
No it's not an award winner. It's not technically sound. And it's not my all time favorite shot. But, maybe this is the one that will bring back a smell for one of them. Or spark a memory of a beautiful weekend. Or maybe it will continue to make me cry, because they are only this small once. These photos, just like every photo I take, are packed with memories that I wish I never have to forget. Thank you again to the Richardson's for a weekend to remember. We are blessed.
Just incase there were tears on this one, Kenz. I thought a seaweed goatee would make you smile:)

How am I doing?

2009-02-16T17:02:00.000-08:00

I would be a lot better if my photos weren't so muted on Blogspot:) I think it's time to call on some talented friends to help me step up this blog. "How am I doing" and "what am I doing lately" seems to be the burning question these days. How can I sum up the most dramatic 4 months of my life? Well, I still feel like MS has been the biggest blessing to ever walk through my door. I can run, jump, give myself MVP at volleyball games:), and still feel like the same ol' me (still jumping for joy). Thanks for the pic below Kenz!
What's not the same? My food looks a lot more colorful. My hands and feet tingle when I am not rested, stressed, or not eating right. I get fatigue and this is a first in my life (yes, even after having 3 kids). I think the toughest battle daily is the "mental". It is a nonstop challenge to keep my thoughts in check, not to worry. I just read the most amazing book for MS (in my opinion). The MS Recovery Diet and it has reconfirmed many of the things that I have been feeling and wondering and it has also calmed A LOT of my fears down. I continue to take baby steps with my diet and I would have to say that it is the only thing that seems to be getting me down at all. I hope to incorporate Yoga with my 3 times a week of volleyball. I plan to start meditating regularly...oh, and I will be selling Mona Vie I think. It has been, and will always be a part of my recovery and I know it will make a difference in a lot of your lives. I just want to sell enough to get mine for free because I spend A LOT on my other prescriptions (supplements and yoga:) Isn't the Clam Linguine beautiful below (Thanks Tracie)!

Just as soon as this little monster (Keeta) calms down on the biting I think I will be even more on keel:) So to answer your questions....yes, I am fine...in fact, I am more than fine. And for the first time I am getting to know my mind, body and soul to the core and I am truly able to answer that question beneath the surface. How are you all doing? The surface answer is "great, or tired, or fine..." but have you really asked yourself that question lately? Thank you all for your kind words, your support and most of all your prayers and love. You all rock my soul more than you will ever know. Ms. Carlisle

A few of my favorite things...

2009-02-14T12:45:00.000-08:00

I like to take this day to brag about the love in my life....so here I go.

I have definitely found that "if you love life, Life will love you right back!" I LOVE a lot about my life and the love just keeps getting stronger. I thought I would share a few more pics from our lovely weekend at Canon Beach with our dear friends. Thanks for a beautiful weekend that will be filled with memories of a lifetime, Kenz and Spence. I will post more throughout the day. Here are the kids cards for this year that I am still getting into the mail:) This is one of my favorite projects to do with the kids. Tré said that two kids in his class cried over his (because the dog was so cute, they say), but I think it was just because they felt all the love.

Gift of Friendship

2009-02-13T10:07:00.001-08:00

A while back a longtime friend of mine came to visit with his beautiful family. There is nothing like having a friend around to share old memories with. The kind of laughter that arises can only come from the past, carefree days of our egotistical selves. Well, we are all grown up now and we have families of our own and I was blessed to spend what little time I had with them. Their son, Talon is a very serious guy that seems to have an old soul to him.

But when he does smile, he can just melt a heart, can't he!
It's always fun to get these kinds of shots for clients of mine that I might not know as well....but, getting a shot like this for a good friend....there is so much more to the story. There's just something about this shot that pulls at my heartstrings. I know you are a proud papa, and you should be!

As he was heading out the door I got one last series of him playing with Jamie's hat:) Can you even stand those locks! Thank you Courtney and Pat for your visit. You were a breathe of fresh air and I still feel like it was just yesterday that you were here.

And I can't forget a pic of Keeta's first friend, Macy! She was so patient with her and amazing with the kids. You've done good you two, you've done good;)

He's too young!

2009-02-12T09:07:00.001-08:00

"Jake...go...hurry...he's just a boy!" In light of the post below, you now understand why I was freaking out when I saw Tré attempting to walk the dog on the beach alone. Don't worry, we remedied the problem before someone called CS on us. You understand as well as I do, how dangerous this could have been. They both could have been seriously injured do to the mobs. Whew!

The Right Breed?

2009-02-12T08:07:00.001-08:00

I'm going to pass on some valuable information that I am going to ask Cesar Millan to put into his second edition, maybe even a whole book dedicated to this serious topic. When thinking about bringing a dog into your family there is careful consideration for picking the right breed. We thought that a Dane's energy would fit us appropriately and we are a fairly tall family that would want our dog to match. What I didn't consider was the "rare beauty" factor. She looks innocent enough above, right? We did a little test at the beach a couple weekends ago, that has be in a tizzy. We noticed Keeta getting a lot of attention right away...I mean A LOT! So I sent Jake for a sexy, McConaughey-style run on the beach by himself to test some concerns....no reaction.

Then, just a sexy stance with his locks blowing in the wind....maybe a look or two, but really nothing again.
Now bring in the Show Stopper. You may be thinking to yourself..."ahh cute, a man and his dog".
Next level..."Wow, a hot dad and his show-stopping dog!"
"Ah, she sits and stays...look at that stance."
Now for the serious problem at hand that I didn't see coming. The lethal combination that we have brought on has created a frenzy around us.....Cesar, what do you do when you bring a "GIRLY-GETTER" into your lovely marriage. This is serious you know...just look at this woman's gaze. I can see your giddiness underneath that scarf you know!I am pretty sure that scene below would have dramatic music playing as this dangerous combination of awesomeness walks down the beach, making necks snap as people turn to get a glimpse. Have you ever seen such a site?So when considering a Blue Dane, please know that there is much more to the innocent question, "Is that a Weimaraner?" Because what comes next after you say, "no, Dane" is "Oh, well, I should have know, just look at those HUGE paws!" I am onto you girls...I know what you are really thinking;)
So as you sit there innocently, Keeta..just know that I am onto your little games. I'm watching you! You'll be taking walks with the Alpha and that is ME, you got that!"Who me?"
"Yes you...don't give me that innocent look!"

Bathtime

2009-01-23T21:40:00.001-08:00

Can you even stand it! I think this is the stage that everyone has a panic attack after buying a puppy and not believing they are going to get through the puppy stage. Is it too early to bring Cesar to my house. I think I will write him a note and it will go a little something like this.....
Dear Cesar - Thank you for all the amazing advice on how to become a pack leader and be the boss of our dog. It is going really well I think...she barks, growls, bites and shits all over the place. If this is what you were talking about in having a well-balanced dog, I think it is working;) I can't wait to see what the toddler and teenager years hold for me. No, really it is going as well as can be expected with a puppy this age (9 weeks). In her calm-submissive times of the day, she is the most loving dog ever, but in her hyper times, we are pretty sure that she is the spawn of the devil himself! I am in constant check of my energy and what I am giving off, and I am realizing, I am not as calm as I have always thought I was. Apparently I have been bestowed with such a gift as Cesar Millan...He is the "Dog Whisperer", as am I....but, my energy apparently whispers to them, to be defiant, crazy and down right psycho most of the time:) We love you Keeta and I am sure that one day I will look back and just remember the sweet puppy breathe.....right before I smelt the steaming pile of pooh on my carpet!

Reflection

2009-01-15T08:49:00.000-08:00

Here is a look into my ego and my heart...

Many times you have read on here about my photog. playdates. Well, this is one that I did with my friend, Amy Hall the other week. We went to check out a warehouse that her friend owns and she wanted to get some tips on photography. As I handed her my camera to take shots of me while I explained photo tips to her, I was reminded of a day that a woman did the same for me. I could hear the excitement in her voice and the fire in her eyes as she held my camera and it was hard to tell if it was her or a reflection of me. The woman that sparked that desire in me was Joyce. She handed me her camera and studio, gave me a couple quick instructions on how not to ruin the camera (one of the first digital) and threw me into the trenches. I was hooked ever since and I learned as fast as I could and networked as much as I could. I put a lot of ridiculous hours into every aspect of every choice I made in photography and it was a very personal journey. I realize that my passion is contagious and that is why I am going back to my roots of why I originally got into photography in the first place. When I watch people become "professional" photographers around me, there is a flare up of the ego. I feel like one of the good ol' boys I have talked about in the past. I feel my competitive edge coming on and I don't like the emotions attached to the thoughts going on in only my head. After a long, hard look at myself these last few months and especially after this shoot, I was forced once again to shed another layer of my ego and go to the root of the emotions. I am so excited for all those around me that find joy in pictures. I want every mother to be comfortable with their cameras so that they can take a properly exposed picture of those moments they never want to forget. It's never been about clients to me or the number at the end of the year (all the things that rate you as successful or not in the photog world). I have always been about the journey and spreading as much knowledge to any that ask. I don't want to let the competitave edge on the business side to take me over again. So this leads me to the much anticipated announcement of a class for anyone that just wants to hear about my journey, or pick my brain, or start a business for that matter. I will release details soon and I hope to make it more of a class series, rather then a workshop. I hope to continue inspiring others to take photos and teach them, as I always say "to take the emotion out of it, and get paid":) I look forward to many more playdates with all of my friends so that we can continue to inspire, and push each other to be the best we can be and to help each other on our very separate paths. Thank you Amy for making me feel beautiful since the day I met you. You have the gift to make others feel special and now you are going to rock their worlds by creating a picture to go with the emotions you instill.Man, did you ever help me feel sexy that day (even though it was 20 degrees in there)...just what the doc ordered:) To Amanda and Aaron....for coming onto my path in the most unintrusive, delicate way. You hang out with me any given day and flow with the family as if you have been in it forever. You continue to inspire me with your lives more than I could ever teach you.Thank you Cindy for the shirt that makes me smile everytime I look at it. You bring a smile to my heart that is engraved forever. And to the girl that continues to inspire me daily. I have been so blessed to be able to observe your path and jump on it every once in a while. I am so thankful for you in my life and all that you bring to it. Thanks Shamone.To all of my friends that I haven't mentioned because I didn't have pictures handy...you know who you are and I love you. Go out and inspire someone!

Twin Bliss

2009-01-12T09:52:00.001-08:00

These little twins have a special place in my heart. I have photographed them once before and they were amazingly sweet. But, what I really love about them is that their Mom "gets me". The twins are sensitive to new surroundings and they like to warm up and get comfy before they agree to get photos taken;) I just love to sit back and watch Kristen interact and gaze at her babies. She is so in love and in awe of her two little loveys and I love to try and capture those special moments in the studio that they don't know are happening. Easier said then done in the studio with the strobes going off all the time. That's why I take hundreds so that they just think that they are at a disco and not bothered by the flashing lights:) Their smiles melt me and I am blessed that they let me see through that window of love. Thank you Kristen for believing in my talent and for brightening my soul with 'L' and 'N's beautiful smiles and laughs .

Peace

2009-01-11T20:00:00.001-08:00

I was hoping that bringing a dog into our life would bring a couple different things. I wanted it to be my constant reminder and teacher on how to master staying in the moment. I wanted the kids to get a taste of responsibility of having a pet. I wanted her to bring more love into the home and lastly, making walks a new constant in my life.

What I didn't expect.....that Cesar Millan's book would come into my life and affect me as much if not more than "A New Earth" and all the other self help books I have read. He believes that dogs are brought into our life to specifically teach us something that we are needing or missing. Well, let me tell you what she has brought to my life in just 2 short weeks. Whenever I get blazing mad at her for biting or defecating in the house, I have to check my energy. She feeds off my energy and she knows when I am high strung. This will help me be more conscious of stress (the #1 feeder of my disease). She takes a lot of naps, she eats raw and healthy, she NEEDS exercise and above all, she needs LOVE. What am I trying to say here? Keeta is bringing me peace. She is teaching me all sorts of daily lessons that not only making me a better person, but also a stronger parent (a parent to my kids, not her). Yes, I have had a dog before, but it wasn't the right time, clearly not the right breed for our chill family, and Cesar wasn't in my life then. I am happy, I am walking everyday (as far as a puppy can go), I am playing V-ball again, and each day I get mentally stronger. All this is helping me in the larger picture of my life....putting my body at peace. Now don't go running out to get a dog, for God's sake.....just know that if it is the right time and the right dog, they just may help you shed another layer of that ego of yours and you may just learn something more about yourself. Thanks (not so little Keeta):) Everyone keeps asking why we picked a Great Dane....I think she picked us and there was a higher hand in the mix of this;)

Keeta

2008-12-29T09:56:00.000-08:00

We can't even stand it....she is here and she is to die for! She just put her first coil on the carpet this morning and she woke me up at 7AM....you all know that I am not a morning person! She did manage to make me smile at that God awful hour...she must be something special. We picked her up from Kennewick from an awesome couple that started Desert Blue Danes. It was more than worth it to go with a passionate breeder that knows her stuff and goes the extra mile to educate us on keeping her the most healthy we possibly can. Here's the ironic (not so ironic) part about getting her. Jen has a "minimal immunizations" and we must keep up the raw diet. A first this was a bit overwhelming to think about...will she be safe from disease, will my family be at risk being around raw meats everyday? Well, everytime it is explained to me, it is as if they are talking about my new life and my diet....the health benefits, and the work involved in educating myself. I can already see how much this dog is going to do for me both emtionally and physically. I will say, that it is TRULY like having a newborn in the house again! Lots of work...she didn't disappoint there:)
Can you even believe how big her Dad is! He weighs about 175lb. I think?

Magical Season

2008-12-27T11:00:00.000-08:00

What an amazing time of the year! I think this is the first time in a LONG time that I have truly felt just that. I think I have said on here before that I have been sick with either pregnancy, flu or other for the past 7-8 Christmas's. Well, this year we are healthy, happy and I have turned over a new leaf. Because the kids are at such an incredible age, it was the most magical time we have all had for Christmas. Santa spoiled the kids, and their excitement was absolutely contagious. Starting from cutting down our tree, decorating the house, and shopping...there was never any stress and we were able to take in each moment. As if that wasn't all enough....we were able to make a family dream come true! Up to this point in my children's life, I haven't been very conscious about what kind of memories they are going to hold onto in their wee little lives. I know that they will always carry Alaskan memories of all their cousins, Grandma, Papa, and Teta's and uncles. But, what an amazing moment to know that this Christmas we were quite literally creating one of those moments that they will carry with them the rest of their lives. We broke down and decided to bring our dream dog into the family. We are going to have another baby in the house and the beauty of it is, that I don't have to rough my nipples up for it;) TMI! I know:) rofl.... Well, her name is Keeta and she is an 7 week old Blue Dane. We are picking her up earlier then we expected....TOMORROW:) Yipee! Last night I thanked Jake for all of his hard work this year to help keep us afloat, and he took it one step further and made dreams come true. Somehow "thank you" just never seems like enough. This morning we laid in bed thinking about our 2009 goals. I am so excited for the New Year and full of happiness. Some words that I am going to take into the new year (not resolutions) are CHANGE, PRESENCE, SELF-LOVE, AWE, AND FUN!
To see the video of the kids getting their surprise package you have to go see it on my Facebook page.

My Heart is Full

2008-12-23T12:27:00.000-08:00

After a day of frustration, there is a day of healing. My family is my ultimate healer and they sent me a package yesterday that I will treasure forever. My beautiful sister-in-law headed a project to pass a shirt around to my immediate family (like the traveling pants). Every brother, sister, niece, nephew, dog and my parents signed a shirt and a card for me and there are no words to express how my heart felt as I read it. I was instructed to video and take pictures of the opening process so that's what all of these are.
The whole day after getting this package I just felt so proud. Proud to be blessed with such an amazing family and blessed by MS. Although, my family is affectionate and loving, I don't think this gift is something I would have ever received from every member of my family, had I not had this harsh news in my life. I thank you Sheli, from the bottom of my heart, for making this happen. If I am feeling weak, or unsure of my path, I will be able to put on this new shield of hope and support and move on with confidence. I miss you all so much and am so thankful for every one of you. My heart is overflowing with love today.
My parents threw this beautiful gift in as well that melted my heart. I can't wait to read something that isn't about diet or MS.
I wear this everyday now and each time I look at it I get vapors in my eyes. I'm sure that it's not entirely unhealthy to miss family this much because it's suppose to make the heart grow fonder, right. I have lived away from my family for 9 years and I tell you, it doesn't really get any easier:(
The video of my opening the gifts was too big to put on here, I will e-mail them to Mom and Dad for you to see the tears flowing. Here's a pic of just that:)

2008-12-22T13:46:00.000-08:00

It's only fair that I share my bad days with my inspiring days. Yes, I struggle...I work through fears...and I feel overwhelmed. The daunting questions of the day...what am I going to eat next? I'm starving, what am I going to make for dinner? I feel symptoms, are they new? Why do I feel so tired, that I feel drunk? Why does my body miss the Mona Vie so much and why does it have to be so damn expensive? Am I letting fear creep in because my energy is down? We went over to friend's house last night and although they so graciously cooked me chicken because I couldn't eat the meatballs, everything else was still off the diet. I felt a little frustrated that they had to cater to me, frustrated that they thought they were eating healthy, frustrated that they kept asking if I "could have this and that", and feelings that I was a little lonely on my path. Even Jake could cheat here and there with no guilt. There is something triggered in me that ques the panic when I "cheat". This isn't like falling off a diet...this is making conscious choices that could hurt me down the road. I have to rest each day and in doing so it makes me feel a little lazy and alone. I am working on the rest time as rejuvenating moments instead of slacker moments that fill me with guilt. I'm filled with guilt that I am not working out yet. As I sled with the kids and get my heart rate up and body temp rising, panic sets in a bit that I will overheat and bring on an exasperation...fear. My friend Minda, would ask me right now, "have you talked to Herman..."? It's not part of the routine...I can't find my routine, I have dodged routine for this long, why do I have to find one now? Thank you Herman for this moment...this moment when I am able to gather enough courage to find my strength...."Even though I have fears about this disease, I love and accept myself!" I do have fears and struggles, but each day I am learning, growing and dreaming and that is more than some people have in a lifetime. I am grateful for my health and my life. I am blessed. I AM......

2008-12-21T18:19:00.001-08:00

Let me tell you what....it's slicker than 7 snots on a doorknob out there today! We were like farts in a skillet being stuck inside (thanks for all the sayings Dad), so we decided to venture out. We went sledding on the thickest ice and our butts are going to pay the price as soon as they unthaw. I was so happy to get a little snow because it was reminding me of my Alaskan Christmas's...but, this is too close to AK! I can do without the 100 mph winds that cut right through our bones. O.K. I am being a bit dramatic;) I am a little embarrassed to say that we have chains on the truck (Alaskans don't even know what they are). I got some fun pics though and we had a blast playing for a short time before we all got too cold and hungry.

All the single ladies....

2008-12-20T15:31:00.001-08:00

I don't usually do this kind of thing on my blog...dating ads and all;) Aaron will love that I posted this on the world-wide web! He was hanging with us the other night and was the one that took the holiday shot of all of us in the card. He is a great photographer...he has a HUGE talent (Moulin Rouge;). This isn't the first time this character has appeared. From my understanding there is a video out there...don't worry I will get the link;) LOL Jake and I wanted to help him this year with his Christmas card and he was a sport all right. My face hurt from laughing so much and we know how good that is for the soul. Aaron has been a blessing to us and he is food for our souls:) Thank you for coming into our lives. Here is a normal picture of him incase there is someone out there that wants a little more Aaron G! He will be an amazing catch and I totally want props at the wedding if your "love at first site" is off this blog! Thanks Aaron....good times.

Today's the day!

2008-12-20T09:31:00.000-08:00

For many of you reading this, you already know this beautiful being. Her name is Amy Seeley and today is a very special day:) This is probably what she is doing today, she is so giddy! She birthed a new CD today!!! It's name is 8 Belles. Now you can all go buy it for last minute stocking stuffers for yourself instead of leaving her MySpace page open all day like I do. She is like water for my soul and nourishment for my heart. I love this girl and her music will touch you in some way because it is so genuine. She puts her heart right out there for the world to experience. Thank you for being in my life Amy Seeley....when I think about it, really, it was "so typical for someone like me, to invite you in" to my life;) Love your face:) The picture below was the first day that I met her (thank you Jesh) and she planted something in me that would grow into something beautiful in the form of strength, friendship, and inspiration. I am so thankful for so many of you in my life! Go check out her website that will be live any day...minute;) Amyseeley.com

What matters?

2008-12-18T17:41:00.000-08:00

I know there are a few people out there that will relate to me on this one. The holidays are usually filled with panic, chaos, running around like a chicken with your head cut off? I remember years in the past that I was so stressed out doing other people's cards, getting in orders left and right...trying to make everyone else's Christmas a success. Well, this year, I didn't want any of that. I am priding myself on keeping this time of the year as stress-free as possible. Had this been any other year, I don't think I would be able to look at this situation with such calm eyes. I got my Christmas cards delivered today and was so happy to see them. They put a HUGE smile on my face and I felt so proud...until I handed one to my neighbor (who happens to be a principal) and noticed that the word Simplify got simplified to "Simplfy". Well, here's to not screwing up any of my client's cards, and to giving myself a laugh. Let me send a quick shout out to all my proof readers this year...wait, I didn't have any..this is all on Jake and I (thanks for taking one with me boo:) This is perfect timing....don't sweat the small stuff...there is no good that will come into our lives when we stress out! Happy snow day!!!! Here are some outtakes from this year's card.

Get the Kleenex out!

2008-12-16T13:00:00.000-08:00

Brace yourself for this one. I don't usually post stories trying to get tears...but this one I know will bring a few because I still have vapors in my eyes writing it. Yesterday while the kids were waiting to get their sandwiches from Subway I saw them talking at the table. When I sat down and spread all their food out I went to bite into my wrap. Tré looks at me in the most serene moment and says.....(first I'll get his face in your mind)

"Mom, we're kind of glad that you got MS. If you wouldn't have ever gotten it, then we wouldn't have changed our life to a healthier one. We are sad though that you haven't gotten rid of it yet though. But we feel happy that you got it." I then had to reassure them that the reminder to be healthy will never go away because I will have the disease for the rest of my life. I told them that it was a dis-ease in my body that told me to do something different and it will come back to remind me when I don't do the right things. He said, "see that's why we feel happy that you got it." If that isn't a testament that I am doing the right thing:) I can't tell you how much joy this moment brought me and how many tears of joy that I shed. I know that this is devastating in a lot of situations, but this one story is a story of hope on the journey of change. Just incase you are crying like I did, I thought I would leave you with a priceless shot that I captured in the tender moments of creating this years Carlisle Christmas card. Jamie misunderstood me when I said to "get Daddy"....well, maybe he didn't...he got him alright! Enjoy;)

Diet

2008-12-12T10:55:00.000-08:00

My cool new hang out.....everyone's doing it!What has happened to this word, diet, in our society. I have never quite looked at this word so closely in my life. I, myself used to think of this word as a fad, a craze or temporary change. Somewhere we lost the real meaning of this word. Let me tell you what it means for me right now in my life. As I sat my kids down to define this word because it comes up a lot these day...I told them that it a word the describes the types of foods we eat in a day. The lifestyle we choose to live by putting good or bad food into our mouths. Some people have good diet habits and some bad. Well, before my diagnoses, we were the All American family on the All American diet. I have always known that I had and needed to change our diet to a healthier one. Do you want to hear my list of excuses of why I didn't...rhetorical question because I will tell you them:) I have 3 small children that don't eat a lot of variety. We have an on-the-go lifestyle. Healthy food doesn't taste as good. I am a "meat and potatoes" kind of girl. The one I never had the balls to say was, that I was scared of change! Well, change has smacked me in the face and I'm not going to sugarcoat that it's easy....it's the biggest challenge that I have come across in a long time. This isn't something that I can fall off the wagon on. When people ask me how the "diet" is going...I tell them, that it is a lifestyle change it's going in the right direction finally. I'm not writing this because I want the whole world to change right now because I know for a fact that nothing else would have kick started me into a healthier life besides MS. It isn't the easier route and I am having to take babysteps....but there is no turning back because my #1 excuse of having 3 small children and not being able to do it, has now become my #1 excuse for the change. There is no one manual that I am following. I have put myself back into school (metaphorically), finding my new teextbooks to take notes from, picking my professors and just trying to do my very best. Try not to wait for a wake-up call....do something on that "I have" to do list...move it to the "I want" to do list! Why don't we look at food like addictions? If you can't take it out of your diet and there is no nutritional value, doesn't that sound like an addcition? I have had no problem taking all sorts of bad stuff out...now begins the challenge of learing to cook all over again. The pantry is bare and there are grains, nuts and berries staring me in the face.

Red LIght, Green Light...

2008-12-08T17:43:00.000-08:00

The other day while I was hanging out with my friends at Wild Branches, one of the women came up to me and said that she saw visions of JOY when she prayed about me. She said that God was in awe of me....little ol' me:) It wasn't just ironic or coincidental that she said Joy and it couldn't have been more perfect timing. I know that I have joy all around me and and an overwhelming joy in my heart. When Jake and I were driving the kids to the tree farm the other night and this sky was in front of us, I felt the joy burning inside. It was the most amazing sky and I stared at the stop light and I let the fear of MS creep in for that split second. Then when that light changed green, I left the fear behind. I have the green light to move forward with confidence and hope. The skies were on fire the other night....this is what I feel inside. I have never been at this place before in my life and there are so many things to learn in such a short time. My heart is on fire. I have a thirst for life and I am not willing to stay on the surface any longer. I kind of feel like the baby turtle in Nemo when it blasts out of the main stream. I just got thrown out of the jet stream and I fought to get back in...but now I kind of like being out on my own. I don't miss the pressure to keep up, or the fast pace that brings stress. Green means go....just go!

Change

2008-12-07T11:36:00.001-08:00

Why is it that we all fear change so much? Why is it that we all know that eating healthier and being conscious of stress is the best medicine and yet we choose to put them both on the list to do later? Let me make one thing very clear here before I get into my changes. I used to always say that I was an All-American girl when asked what my diet is like. I am a steak and potatoes kind of girl and I love convenience. I have eaten fast food for days in a row before and liked it:) Eating healthier was always on my list of thing to do, but I never even knew where to start. Why would I by the way, if I was feeling healthy? Even when I was told that the boys have certain allergies to some foods, I said that I would rather deal with the rashes and medicate the symptoms rather then change their diet...cause that would mean we would all have to change our diet. With all that being said....I still didn't think it was possible when I was diagnosed to change my lifestyle. My awakening came when I read the Swank book, decided against the shots, met Minda Coombs, worked with Herman Johnson and started thinking about the future of my own kids. O.K. so God had to give me a lot of tools to encourage me and he hit me over the head quite a few times before I would listen, but I am finally here and I'm not as scared anymore:) I have been doign the Swank Diet for 3 weeks and I haven't journaled the process yet because I am taking more food out than putting food in but I am getting there. The kids are doing amazing and willing to try new things....so there goes my biggest excuse "that I can't change our diet becuase it's too hard to change the kids". I feel like an idiot now, because they only have a few years of programming (by me and Jake) verses my 34 years of programing and being in my safe box. They haven't linked MS to being hereditary or some other diseases for that matter and yet my kids chances are greater now that I have it....which leads me back to the notion that it is our lifestyles that are hereditary and we are passing our bad habits onto our kids. This is why I am driven. This is why this disease will never catch up to me. I am not fearing change anymore becuase I am in the thick of change and I can see the good. I will pass on the tools for my kids to outrun disease as well. I can give them that....we can give our kids at least that. The beauty of my MS is that I have an internal alarm to tell me when I am not giving the best to my kids and when we are doing too much....that's a pretty amazing gift. Tackle a fear next week. Face it head on and you will see that it is only you holding yourself back.

Giving Thanks and Beyond

2008-11-26T16:24:00.000-08:00

Thank you life...thank you God...thank you for MS. Is it weird to be saying this....surprisingly, not to me. I am so thankful for this past year. There have so many obstacles..heartaches and more...but, only good has come out of it. I could have gone a lifetime (probably shorter then I would have liked) without ever changing my family's diet and lifestyle. I could have taken so many things for granted....I can run, jump, play, breathe, eat, and whatever else my heart desires. I can do and have so much in this lifetime and MS has opened my eyes even more to the possibilities. I'm sure that my days aren't over taking things for granted, but I have all sorts of alarms that go off in my body when I am not totally aware. So I am thankful this holiday for my life, my family and everything that God has blessed me with. I am thankful for my readers that are able to go deep with me...or just stay surface. This is truly the first year that I have ever looked at Thanksgiving with these new, clear eyes. Before I think it was all about food and saying grace right before we wolfed it down. This year it about giving grace above all and giving thanks for ALL that is in our lives.

Skank Diet

2008-11-17T21:45:00.000-08:00

The Skank (Swank) Diet....
That's what my sister called it and we are thinking that it would be pretty funny to make up shirts that use that mindset....LOL! Wait until you see Shannon's shirt;) It's actually the Swank Diet and it is a very successful tool in dealing with MS and other AID (Auto Immune Deficiencies). There is much to be learned and my family has already begun the basics behind it and I will be getting my book this week for the more detailed version. This diet will be one of the major tools I will use to get my body back on track, less confused, and happy again:) My Mom will be relieved to know that he (Dr. Swank) acknowledges the ABC drugs in his writings...."The only statement by a drug house has been that on the drug, patients have experienced a 30 percent reduction in MS attacks. On the Swank Low-Fat Diet, when carefully followed, the exacerbations or attacks are reduced greatly." I know that there are a few of you that are following what I am doing on my path, and I would love to share as much as I can without making this the new MS journal. I hope more then anything, that I am able to pass on some inspiration for all of you out there that are waiting to start that healthier, more relaxed, less stressful lifestyle. Don't wait for a reason, and for God's sake listen to your body!!!! Take control of your own health, and lifestyle. It's never too late. He's one All American Girl telling you all to get off the fast-passed American lifestyle that is heading straight for a brick wall at mach3. Our bodies are trying to tell us to wake up, take time to smell the roses, and be a skank...bahaha;) Just be. What would a post be without a bunch of really cute pics.

Believe

2008-11-12T23:55:00.001-08:00

Pick something to believe in and.....JUST BELIEVE!
I have made a HUGE decision in my life. I am going to share the journey because I have found some valuable emotions and awareness in the process. After some major anguish and riding the fence, I have chosen a path of Holistic/Naturopathic ways to heal my body rather then the Western side of things. Everything in me tells me that the answer isn't in the shots and going into all out "fight" mode. My sister Lynn opened my eyes up to the terminology that I was using to go at the disease. Everyone was giving me words of encouragement like, "you can beat this", the medicine was going to go in and attack my immune system, which was attacking my spine. Everything felt so angry:( I hit a low before making this decision for one reason...."what were others going to think." "How do I tell the doctors". Well, this is what I can tell you about the awareness of it all. This is my life...my path....my body, and this decision was so much more about listening to myself and learning not to look for approval. I know that my body can heal itself and in the wise words of the most amazing man helping me with a little EFT therapy..."I am an example of vibrant health!" Thank you for that Herman. I have taken the largest step that I believe I will have to take on this journey by making this decision, and for the first time...I have faith that the net will appear. I am jumping and I have become my own advocate....I have faith and I can see this all as a blessing for the first time. It is the beginning of a beautiful journey and I thank you all for all the amazing encouragement that helped give me strength to be me. I will keep you updated with what my process is like and what I am doing in hopes it will help just one reader take control of their own health. Today I am positive, and I believe!

Graffitiville

2008-11-11T20:32:00.000-08:00

Thank you to my dear friend , Aaron for scouting this location and filling my soul. I had the best day. I didn't think about MS for a whole day....that was pretty amazing. I got to focus (literally) on my kids and explore with them. There really is nothing better then photo-playdate:) I have a ton more that I will be posting of them individually.

Reality?

2008-11-01T10:45:00.000-07:00

This is the view I had out of my hospital bed. I would look out at the top of this tree and the clouds passing by and I would think....or not think. It was on the other side of where Jake sat, so sometimes I would cry silently looking at the tree. The clouds kept going by...not stopping for anything...and I just kept getting a little overwhelmed that life doesn't stop for a second...not for anything. I let all those tears dry up on the pillow and gathered more strength as each cloud passed by. And I was able to handle all the doctors and nurses apologizing to me for a diagnoses that I didn't quite understand yet.
The other day after my first treatment I felt this way again. I felt defeated for a moment. I felt the reality set in that I might be on this medicine for the rest of my life, and I got a little scared. I got flu-like symptoms...the fever, shakes, achy, headache, and nausea. All the things the nurse told me I might get, but I really thought I could fight it and not be one that got all the symptoms. I didn't want to follow the norm. The only other time I physically felt just like this was when I was pregnant and got VERY sick for 4-5 months. Only with this there was no beautiful baby in the end of all the suffering. I took a shower to get rid of the chills and out of no where the flood gates opened. A dear friend of mine told me the best place to cry and let go was in the shower because you could just let the tears go down the drain and be done with it once you turned off the shower. I didn't let Jake see me defeated in this moment, but I know he saw it in my eyes once they were dry. I can't hide my soul from him no matter how hard I try:) I write this with tears in my eyes, but not with sadness, just a little overwhelmed. Change is always scary...but it's also exciting. I still have more excitement out-weighing the other:) So to all those out there that want to cry...I am here to dry your eyes...but you know in time, you'll be fine! (Thanks Sade:) This is my reality. The beauty about this reality is that I don't know where it is going.

Hospitals, shots Oh my!

2008-10-30T12:57:00.000-07:00

I know I kind of left you all hanging...sorry about that:) Things are moving and shakin around here and I have been to a lot of Doc appointments. I thought I would start by showing you a few of the pictures. The kids wrote on the board in my room when they came to visit me at the hospital. I think it was the first time that I cried. I just didn't want them to be scared.

This will be the one and only picture of me in a wheelchair because of MS. I don't plan on getting back on one of those.This is what everyone wants to see....my actual spinal fluid:) The fluid actually replenishes itself within an hour of taking out of the body. I didn't get any of the horrible side effects from the lumbar punch.Laid up after the lumbar punch:(This was the EPT? test where they put an eyepatch (see Casey, D, and Shannon...another reason for the patch:) on me and I had to watch this crazy screen to check the time lapse between what my eyes see and how long it takes my brain to respond. Kind of like an EEG. This first video was a funny one of Jake explaining to the kids about what I was diagnosed with. It was in the hospital. They came to visit me right after my spinal tap so I couldn't pick them up, and had to stay in bed:(
The other video is from toady! A nurse came out to the house to train Jake on giving my weekly shot. He totally siked me out the first time...I was getting weak. The meds are called Avonex and it should help me slow down the MS and maintain it. I have gotten 2nd and 3rd opinions and they all say the same thing. I have been through lots of tests lately.

So detail-wise where am I. I have an official diagnosis of MS. I have had DNA testing to rule out a disease called Von Hippel-Lidau that my Dad has. I will be getting results back from that in two weeks. I am seeing a naturopath to check into diet options. I will be going up to OHSU later in November to see a specialist for the remainder of my treatment. My numbness has diminished greatly in my hand and torso. But I have L'hermitte's syndrome...which is like an electronic pulse going through my back, pelvis and legs. I just shock myself all throughout the day, kind of fun:) There are a lot more boring details...but I am still me, and we are all doing great and charging on. Ms. Carlisle

From the Beginning

2008-10-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

This is one of those rare couples that I have been a part of the WHOLE story. They came to me years ago just wanting to capture their love story. Now their growing family has become etched on my heart. I treasure my time with them and they treasure my pictures, what could be a better trade out then that. Their love story has grown with each shoot but there are so many qualities that are the exact same....the fact that they are more in love with each other than ever. He still makes her crack up and they make music with their laughs together. And she still melts in his arms everytime he embraces her. Enjoy the pics. I shot this a couple weeks ago and will be doing some newborns when their baby boy arrives:)

I know why...

2008-10-09T17:28:00.000-07:00

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what were told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

I need your grace
to remind me
to find my own

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in our perfect eyes, they're all I need to see.

Today I let go...I listened to this song (Chasing Cars) for what felt like the first time. How could a song come to life and tell my story in a week exactly? I have found someone that literally layed beside me....he didn't have to say a thing, he just looked into my eyes and saw the fear and counteracted it with all that he has inside. He layed with me in that hospital and although he may have felt scared inside as well, he never showed it to me. He is my ROCK. He is my gift from God and I am overcome with his strength and love. I have so many things to talk about and so much to explain. I have been talking with family and friends for days and I can't tell you how much strength has come from all the love. My heart is full and I was delivered HOPE, not heartache. I went back to these pictures that Shannon took of us a couple years ago and I cried. Only for a second, and it wasn't a cry of sadness. I am thankful and overwhelmed with love. I am feeling one of the strongest feelings to ever come over me and that is a calmness that is new to me. I know it is because of FAITH and it is because my path just became a lot more clear. The puzzle of my life is coming together right before my eyes and it is exciting.
Yes I have been diagnosed with a disease named MS but I don't want to use the words "I have MS" because I am not willing to give it that power. I am Ms. Carlisle....and that period that separates the word from me will always remind me that there is hope. Thank you so much for all your support and please don't apologize because I am smiling even as I write this. I am in fight mode and I am able to handle this and I will never let that smile fade:)

Sheer Delight!

2008-10-02T17:40:00.001-07:00

Well, I didn't quite get my fix of the Grotto at the wedding. I wanted to be able to go study it again and use more of it's potential. What better way to that then to take a senior, without her phone of course, for a couple hours. You'd be surprised how much more attention you get out of these kids once you take their social life...their appendage away:) This is beautiful Sam and I have shot her before. She is family and I have had the sheer joy of getting to really know her just this last year. I love her personality and her soft, stunning spirit! She is so easy to be around and when she comed into her "own", watch out world! This is only a third of the amazingness and variety that we got out of this shoot. I will try to share more on her shoot and the wedding.

And of course the infamous T.V. shot! She has a thing (or a fear, she didn't specify) for dinosaurs:)

"I don't do...."

2008-09-25T23:35:00.000-07:00

Remember a while back when I said that my "I never's" always come back on me? Well....I don't know how many times I have heard myself tell people that "I don't do weddings!" Now how do I tell you all... that I just did a wedding...and I liked it;) It's a long story, but I was asked to second shoot a wedding for a fellow photographer, Missy Desgrosellier from Take 5 Photography. The man I was hired to shoot along side is Greg Pierce. He usually has Darcie Radtke from Truth in Light Photography second shoot with him. She was busy with her own wedding and Missy thought of little ol' me:) Now you see how we are all connected in this crazy web;) I met Missy and Patrick and fell in love, and it was great to work with Greg and watch him in action. All that being said...I still think that wedding photography is one of the most physically and mentally demanding types of photography out there, and I don't know when I will ever be ready to jump on that train! I am literally still feeling the effects and what I like to call the "wedding hangover". I went into it with a "birthing plan", no..a "wedding plan". I printed off page upon page of inspiring photos. I scouted the joint before hand and plotted out locations for desired shots. Do you think I used any of this on the actual day.....the answer here is a big, fat, NO! What I did get out of the day was a huge lesson in the fact that I don't have control and sometimes that's the beauty of it all. I think I could go on and on...and I will in other posts, but for now I just wanted to share a couple reasons why the day was so amazing for me. I know that I am not suppose to cry as the "professional" behind the camera...but, the father/daughter dance was like a direct hit right on my heart. It was the most beautiful moment watching her lose all control of the tears as she danced safely in her father's embrace (most little girl's dream). I will treasure being a witness to that moment for years to come. I remembered in an instant my dance, just 10 years ago and a RUSH of emotions poured over me. I would like to say thank you to Missy and Patrick for allowing me to have such a beautiful connection with their whole family on that amazing day and I can't wait to share my story that I was honored to capture. I leave you with the "Always the photographer...now the Bride" picture:)

Prosource ROCKS!

2008-09-24T13:48:00.000-07:00

Many of you know that I don't do any marketing other then word of mouth...and you also know I have a BIG mouth:) Well, my dear friend over at Prosource Mortgage Marketing put my first promotion together for the holidays and I love it. O.K. in case you don't know my dear friend, it's Jake and you have to go check out his website (wwwprosourcemm.com). He is marketing to the mortgage industry for now, but he is expanding soon and he also does jobs on the side for special people like me;) He designed this piece for me and plugged my contacts into his system and just like that I am a testimony for Prosource...yay!! So if you didn't get the e-mail...here you go and give me a call if you want to get a shoot in before the holidays. Hurry up because it just started to rain:)